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October 31, 2005

Top Ten Other Media Responses To Judge Alito's Nomination

Thanks to Bill From INDC and Jack M. for suggesting this list.

John Roberts asked if Judge Alito was "sloppy seconds." Here are some less-well-reported reactions from media.

Content Warning. But remember, John Roberts, News Professional, started this.


10. TERRY MORAN, ABCNews: "Do you imagine Republican moderates will be satisfied with this, oh, what's the word?, Cleveland steamer of a nominee?"

9. DAVID GREGORY, NBCNews: "Mr. McClellan, did the President pass over Alberto Gonzalez because he was a dirty sanchez? Any comment on Harry Reid's donkey punch response?" (from Bill)

8. DAHLIA LITHWICK, Slate: "Does Alito's anti-abortion stance open up the metaphorical hairy beef curtains for overturning Roe v. Wade?"

7. PAUL KRUGMAN, NYT: "And so it goes. The Bush Administration is not merely content to dismantle American democracy one cog at a time. It now has the temerity to fuck us all up the collective ass without the common courtesy of a reach-around."

6. HELEN THOMAS, UPI: "Ummm... ummm... I'm trying to think of some sexual double-entendre for this nominee, but the fact is, I haven't had my pipes cleaned since Orville Wright nailed me in his toolshed at Kitty Hawk. I'd like to say something really dirty, some filthy sexual term. Like 'pudendum' maybe. Or 'vas deferens.' Those are dirty words, right?"

5. BOB HERBERT, NYT: "It was bad enough when Bush waved his neo-con 'junk' in our faces and then meat-slapped us with his stinky pinky. Now he proposes to engage the nation in a judicial tea-bagging of the first order."

4. HELEN THOMAS, UPI: "Okay, I've got it now -- testes! I seem to remember that testes have something to do with sex."

3. TINA BROWN, Washington Post: "I double monkey-fucked the brothers from Oasis in disused lavatory at Heathrow. That's not really on topic or anything. I'm just bragging."

2. ACE OF SPADES, Blogger: "I love it. Bush just gave the liberal left the 'Nasty Adolf' it's been begging for."

...and the Number One Media Response to the Nomination of Judge Alito...

FOUR-WAY TIE:

1. MAUREEN DOWD, NYT: "Is he single? Will he marry me? Why won't anyone marry me? It's because I'm just too damn hot, isn't it? "

1. WONKETTE, Blogger: "Jesus, I just became irrelevant. I mean more irrelevant I guess. Ass-Sex? Anyone? Anyone? Ass-Sex? Please notice me! I'm daring and irreverent! And I'm a dirty whore!"

1. BOB DOLE'S COCK, Analyst for PBS' Frontline: "I give it a B+."

1. PAT O'BRIEN, Access Hollywood: "I'm so into you, Judge Alito. You're so fucking hhhhoottt. Let's do it, let's have sex. But you have to pretend to be into Betsy, too."


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posted by Ace at 03:29 PM

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