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October 21, 2005

Other Hilarious "Practical Jokes" Involving Your Trouser Ferret

The guy who put pictures of his dorkfish under the wiper-blades of women's cars explained his motivation thus:

"He had done it to make them happy, to make them giggle. He thought it was funny as a practical joke," Hartford Police Lt. Thomas Horvath said.

But he's just following a tradition of howlingly funny dick humor. I've dabbled in the field myself, and here are some of my favorite penile pracitcal jokes. Guar-an-teed laughs.

Strong Content Warning.


Other Hilarious "Practical Jokes" Involving Your Dorkbat

Pole-House Cookies

When in line at a bank, turn to the woman next to you and say, "Do you smell cookies?" As there is no such scent in the air, she'll say she doesn't smell anything.

Let a little time pass and then say, "I swear I can smell fresh baked cookies somewhere."

As you move up in line, say, "Man, those cookies are making me hungry!"

Finally, when you've concluded your transaction, step up to her and say, "Oh, by the way, it turns out those weren't cookies I smelled. It was just the wafted stink of my dirty, filthy cock. I haven't washed my junk in a solid month."

Then wish her good-day and try to keep a straight face as the bank erupts in laughter.


It's Better Than Post-Its!

When a female coworker is working hard on a memo that's due today, wait till she leaves her desk and then piss all over her report. Make sure you're just "shaking off" as she returns to see her research and analysis drenched in a pool of human urine.

As she recoils in shock, pleasantly ask, "What, didn't you want feedback?"

They love this one at accounting firms.

Aye, There's The Rub

When you see a female colleague using a stapler, ask if she knows where you can find a stapler for yourself. Being polite, she'll offer hers; say, "No, I don't want to use yours." She'll say, "Why, cooties?" Laugh along with her and say, "No, because I rub my cock all over your stapler every morning, and touching it would make me one of those God-damned homo perverts."

She'll smile nervously as if you're joking. Here's the key: Do not smile back. Just stare her down with the deadpan intensity of a lunatic.

She probably won't laugh, but maybe she'll "get it" on the way home. More "witty" than "ha-ha funny."

Florida Fresh!

Invite a ladyfriend over. Ask her if she'd like some fresh squeezed orange juice. After she drinks it, ask her if she'd like another glass. If she does, immediately begin twisting a half-orange over your full-on naked erection while collecting the juice beneath it in a cup.

Then say: "You know, this works with severed human heads, too." Do not explain what you could possibly mean by this.

Again, more of a "thinky" kind of joke that may be lost on the humor impaired.

Finally...

Orange You Glad You Did?

Go up to a gal and say, "Knock knock." She'll say, "Who's there?" Then stuff your balls into her mouth.

Works every time. An especially good "ice-breaker" for fancy dinner parties.


More...

D'oh! Nuts!

Put your pecker through the center of a glazed doughnut then turn to the first gal you see and ask her if it looks like you might have a yeast infection.

Then while you still have her attention, ask her if she'd like to eat it off your wang. If not, put the confection back into the cabinet and walk out of the convenience store.

Submitted by 12th level jokester compos mentis.

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posted by Ace at 05:57 PM

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