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September 10, 2005

British Jagoff: Easier To Shoot People Than "Make Them Tea"

From The Sun, Saturday, Sept 10 2005, by Jeremy Clarkson. It's not on their website; it's been typed up and sent to me:

Hollywood has taught America that the military can solve anything. It's full of chisel-jawed heroes who never leave a man on the field and never fail to get the job done. So they'd have New Orleans sorted out in a jiffy.

Unfortunately, on the street you've got some poor, starving sould helping themselves to a packet of food from a ruined, deserted supermarket. And as a result, finding themselves being blown to pieces by a helicopter gunship. With the none-too-bright soldiers urged on by their illiterate political masters, the poor and needy never stood a chance. It's easier and much more fun to shoot someone than make them a cup of tea.

Especially if they're black.

Make tea, not war.

Some guy named Greg wants to know:

I'm just curious - I've been following the whole disaster, and I didn't hear about the helicopter gunships killing civilians. did that really happen???? IF NOT, shouldn't someone point this out?

Nah, forget it, he's rolling.

I like how the mindset of a British ponce works. "What these poor souls really need," it seems to them, "is a nice hot cup of darjeeling."

GENERAL HONORE (firing a helicopter's mounted machine gun like a madman at scattering black folks): If they run when you shoot at them, they're looters. If they stand -- they're well-trained looters.

(begins shooting at women and children)

GENERAL HONORE: Whoo-hoo! Get some! Get some!

PRIVATE JOKER: How can you shoot at women and children?

GENERAL HONORE: Easy. You just don't lead them so much. Hahahahaha.

Eh, 90% of anti-Americanism is just a passive-aggressive way for the speaker to convince himself he's superior to someone he actually feels kinda inferior to.

I'm going to start doing my part.

You're Better Than Me

Seriously, you are. You're sooooo smart and cultured. And you... you make tea for black people. I just can't even comprehend such a race-healing gesture.

And those accents! God, I love your accent. It makes me as moist as the sponge in the corner of the bathtub.

You're the best, Jeremy. You, Nigel, Simon, the whole rest of the gang. You're seriously way better than I am.

Now please stop being such an idiotic asshole. Thank you.


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posted by Ace at 12:46 PM

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