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August 12, 2005

BREAKING NEWS: Michelle Malkin's Given Last Name Is "Maglalang"

See Correction At End.

Not sure why she goes by "Malkin," but I imagine it's just as lots of immigrants with strange-sounding (to the America-born) names do: they change their names a bit to be more comprehensible to English speakers.

More breaking news: Ralph Loren's real given last name is "Lipshitz."

And I've got more breaking news: if a first generation immigrant tells you his or her name is "Lisa" or "Patty" or "Don," there is a very good chance that's not their real first name at all, but rather an English-name analogue of their actual first name.

Those liars. If a Chinese girl whose given name is Wu tells me her name is Wendy, she's trying to "pass" as a normal American, and that just sticks in my craw. I want to know who these dirty, filthy foreign-born types are; I'm sick of this infiltration.

I say this is breaking news because the left, especially the very tolerant Oliver Willis, thinks it's being very clever and cutting by calling her "Michelle Maglanang." Apparently the discovery that she's of Filipino descent is very important.

I mean, she's always trying to hide that when she appears on TV. She never mentions, for example, that she herself is an immigrant or the daughter of immigrants. And she's always trying to hide those Filipino features by wearing a hockey mask like Jason in Friday the 13th.

She further hides the fact that her given last name is "Maglalang" by craftily copyrighting her books as "Michelle Maglalang." Yup, it's right there on the first page, the last place anyone would ever think of looking.

I'd like Oliver Willis to explain what importance he thinks this fact possesses, and why this tolerant person of the left is constantly harping on her ethnic descent. Would he think it was all right if I referred to him as "the black Oliver Willis," or "Oliver Willis, who by the way is (wink, wink) not caucasoid in the least"?

And it's not just Willis; the entire left cannot help but continue "scoring points" by charging Michelle Malkin, nee Maglalang, with being Filipino.

Filipino in the First Degree.

They preach tolerance, we practice it. And it drives them batshit crazy.

Whoops! Update: There's an even more insidious reason for the change of name than at first I thought. I suspected she called herself "Malkin" because it was a comprehensible English analogue to "Maglalang," but I'm afraid the truth is even more awful. Michelle got her last name from her husband, if you can imagine such a thing. She actually married a normal American man just to get that sneaky-stealthy "passing" last name.

How low, and how desperate, is that?

I'd just like to note, however, that if things don't work out with this "Malkin" feller, I've got a "passing" English last name, too.

Just sayin'.



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posted by Ace at 02:57 PM

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