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July 27, 2005

All-Time Champion of Reality TV Douches?

No contest. Look, Johnny Fairplay claimed his grandmother had died to garner sympathy on Survivor, but 1, that was hilarious, and 2, he never made any bones that he was a manipulative, deceitful little shit. He proudly wore the black hat.

If you're watching Rock Star: INXS (and it's not very good, so you're probably not), you know that a wannabe frontman for the band, going by the improbable name "J.D. Fortune," is in fact The Biggest Douche In the Reality TV Universe. Not only is he cocky, grandstanding, condescending, manipulative, and an all-around jackass, but he brought in his sister to the audience as a prop, because he knew he couldn't sing the song he had connived to get ("We Are the Champions").

After singing a very bad version of it, he explained that he hadn't seen his sister in two years and was just overcome by the emotion of the planned, staged moment, thus his shaky off-pitch butchery ought to be excused.

"I'm doing all right, bro," he told Dave Navarro. "But I saw my sister, who I haven't seen in two years, and I just lost it." And then lots of fake tears.


I was PRAYING that someone after him would explain their own poor performance by saying, "Sorry, bro, but I saw J.D.'s sister, who I haven't seen in my entire life, and I just lost it." Tear, tear, sniffle, sniffle.

And not only is he Canadian, but I get this very powerful Nazi vibe off of him. He just reminds me of the fascist caricature Bob Geldof becomes near the end of the movie The Wall. I just always see him in a black trenchcoat with an emblem of crossed hammers.

Okay, He's the Biggest Male Douche: Omorosa from The Apprentice still reigns supreme.

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posted by Ace at 07:02 PM

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