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June 14, 2005

Who Would Have Ever Guessed Such a Thing? [Zelda at the Urban Grind]

What would we do without polls?

The results of one done for Cargo magazine say that although women are fine with a man losing his hair, 99% of them don't like comb overs.

I say, if a man is losing his hair, he should either cut it very short or shave his whole head. Shaved heads are cool. But I guess it just goes to show that the more you try and cover some things up, or over compensate for them, the more you draw attention to them.

The equivalent for women would be obssessively plucking their eyebrows to obtain that "perfect arch" shape, like what actress Ashley Judd has had done to herself over the years. And ladies, just forget it. It won't make your eyes look bigger! Anway, I remember years ago seeing Ms. Judd in that tv series "Sisters." Her hair was long and straight and her brows were nice and full. She looked great. But the more famous she became, the more these crazy celebrity makeup artists futzed with her eyebrows. I remember one picture of her on the cover of a fashion magazine. Her hair was curly and her brows were plucked within an inch of their lives and pencilled into an exagerrated arch shape. She looked like a cross between Mr. Spok and Little Orphan Annie. I guess we can thank the late, eyebrow hating famous makeup artist Kevyn Aucoin for that sorry trend.

But getting back to men who insist on doing comb overs, it just has the effect of making them look sloppy. Mind you this has nothing to do with being a metrosexual. All men should make an effort to at least look neat. Little things do add up. Also, when I see hair on a man that's too long and sloppy, the main thought that pops into my head is "MOONBAT."

Now perhaps I'm biased, but I had a major moonbatty experience with one of these comb over types, courtesy of a boss of the time who tried to play matchmaker. A group of us got together in a California bar, where Mr. Comb-over insisted on getting a table, as he had pictures to show us. These pictures were of naked aging hippie women at the Burning Man festival, which takes place every year in the Nevada desert. Mr. C. explained that walking around naked was no big deal since things were very informal at this festival. But when I asked him if he also went "au natural," he was like "no no no!" He then invited me out to a lesbian pudding wrestling match in San Francisco with the guys for the following night. I was like "thanks but I've got plans." My manager later told me I was being superficial for rejecting Mr. C. on account of the whole lesbian pudding wrestling thing. Oy!

There are a few things that I would like to understand better, if at all. First off, why do some less than attractive women insist on baring all in public? Years ago, when I belonged to this gym, there was a topless woman in the locker room. Not only was she topless, but she was yelling loudly on her cell phone while pacing back and forth with her arms dramatically flailing about.
Whatever made this woman think that others wanted to see her topless is beyond me. But then again, in the case of New York and San Francisco, I wouldn't be surprised if shrinks encourage such behavior as a way for these aging hippies to love their bodies more.

Another thing I don't understand is the fascination straight men have with lesbians. I remeber angrily recounting this whole lesbian pudding wrestling incident to one of my coworkers, who was only able to grin sheepishly and say that if it was his daughter being asked out to such an event, he would insist on being a chaperone. There has to be more to this than just admiring the female form.

What say you all?

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posted by Ace at 09:07 PM

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