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June 10, 2005

Nerds Make Better Lovers. [Dave at Garfield Ridge]

Thanks to reader Compos Mentis for forwarding this NY Daily News story.

And, she insists that a woman who is willing to stick it out with a nerd and get past his quirks will be handsomely rewarded. "Don't give up on him too fast," she said. "If you stick with him, he's going to turn out to be really great."Before I comment, let me clarify that, for the record, "nerd" and "geek" are not synonymous.

My working definition of "dork" is someone who has no viable social skills. A "geek" is a master of trivia and socially-useless skills. A nerd is a sub-genus of geek, a dorky geek.

Anyway, reading this story, the New York Daily News really stretches their definition of geek. Tiger Woods is a geek? Hardly.

But to get to that authentic nerd, chic women have to be willing to embrace their own inner geek and accept the guy for who he is, chess trophies and all. The caveat to mating with a geek, as some dating experts see it, is coming to terms with his less-than-studly looks and less-than-suave demeanor. All thoughts of embarrassment have to go out the window.
Yeah, that's likely to happen. Ever wonder how Tiger got his hot wife? It wasn't because he spends hours a day refining his short game, I can assure you. Money works wonders in increasing the attractiveness of men.

Still, some women are attracted to freakishly bizarre talents, and God bless those few that are. Without these wonderful women, my ability to quote every line from Fletch, flip my tongue 180 degrees, and detail the order of battle for a 1944 panzer division would go unappreciated.

Which got me to thinking-- as a geek myself, what pickup lines would I recommend to other geeks interested in dating beautiful women?

-- "Would you like to go grab a cup of coffee and a slice of 3.1415926. . . ?"

-- "Your's is one action figure I definitely want to take out of the box."

-- "I love every bone in your body-- especially your zygomatic and occipital bones."

-- "What do you say we head back to my parent's basement, light some incense, and play some Theremin music?"

-- "All the fly ho's call my Napoleon dynamite. Wanna feel why?"

-- "Is your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the sky and compressed them into a singularity from which not even light can escape."

-- "You like waffles? Because that's what my mom will make us for breakfast tomorrow."

-- "If you think you're having fun now, wait until we play Strip GURPS."

-- "I am so into you, Betsy. I want to get another woman up, hire a hooker. Let's get crazy, get some coke."

-- "Damn girl, your feedback is oscillating!"

-- "Have you ever held a +3 staff of hot throbbing justice?"

-- "Hi, I'm Dave from Garfield Ridge."

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posted by Ace at 08:07 PM

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