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June 07, 2005

Best. Movie Quotes. Eveh.

I'm tipped by someone who's never lied to be me before that ABC will feature a cheapie summer-schedule special about the best movie quotes of all time.

I haven't given it much thought, but here are a couple of mine, in no particular order. Off the top of my head, so I realize these aren't necessarily really all that killer.

1) "I guess we need some more FBI guys." -- Die Hard

2) "I'm Bad Ash, you're Good Ash, Goodie-Goodie Good Ash."

(Good Ash blows Bad Ash's head off with a shotgun, and says:)

"Good...? Bad...? I'm the guy with the gun." -- Army of Darkness

ALSO: Bad Ash now has his head cut off and is being buried alive (or undead-alive). Good Ash says, "You have a little something on your face." Bad Ash says, "Where?" and looks around for the something on his face.

Good Ash's response is to toss a shovel full of dirt onto his head.

3) "Conan, what is best in life?"

"To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and hear de lamentations of de women." -- Conan the Barbarian

4) "I've never met someone who made being a sonofabitch such a point of pride." -- Miller's Crossing

5) "Wait... I'm only supposed to use [my dad's credit cards] in emergencies"

"Well, maybe one will come up." -- The Sure Thing

6) "You are talking about the nonsenical ravings of a lunatic mind." -- Young Frankenstein

7) VILLAIN: "You and are I really not so different, Mr. [Hero's Name]. I am but a shadowy reflection of you." -- From Raiders of the Lost Ark, but really from every James Bond movie and EVERYFUCKING action movie ever made. Apparently all villains -- ALL villains -- feel the psychological need to resort to moral equivalence and also a sympatico kinship with the hero.

8) "Son of a bitch must pay!" -- Big Trouble in Little China

9) "You've got to be fuckin' kidding me." -- The Thing (really a performance-based, stituation-dependent great line)

10) "I'm here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubble gum." -- They Live

11) "Your levity is good. It puts off de fear of death." -- T3: Rise of the Machines

12) "That was the most exciting sexual experience -- without actually having sex -- that I ever, almost, had. It was so... professional. " -- The Man With Two Brains

13) "Before I met you I thought you were cold and unimaginative. Now I see you're quite... emotional." -- The Dirty Dozen, with Lee Marvin delivering a stealth but deadly insult to a higher-ranking officer

14) (Tuco, reading a note left behind by Angel-Eyes): "See you later id... idi... Idi..."

(Blondie, taking the note and reading it:) "Idiots. ... it's for you."

15) (Harrier pilot): "Hitting those trucks won't detonate the nukes, will it?"

(Schwarzenegger): "That's a negative, a negative. They nukes won't detonate."

(turns to Tom Arnold and gives a cringy shrug that says "Probably not. I think.")

16) (Jack Walsh, on phone to bail bondsman): "Don't fuck with me. Don't fuck with me on this, or I will take the Duke and I will shoot him and I will dump him in a swamp." -- Midnight Run

(Turns to The Duke and shakes his head to say "Not really. Just kidding.")

17) (Hotel manager): "But if evict everyone from the hotel, where will they go?"

(High Plains Drifter) "Out." -- High plains Drifter

That's what I've got after thinking about it for five minutes. I'm sure you've got more.

Thanks for the suggestion to Duane.


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posted by Ace at 01:20 PM

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