Straight Up: Paula Abdul's Own Zippergate

I wanted to avoid this story, but I guess I can't.

The word on the street is that the young man in question was one of the "Idols" bounced in a previous season, supposedly for some previous problems with the law. The excruciatingly annoying Corey Clarke, that is.

So... why was he really booted off the show?

Given Bo Bice's coke and pot busts, and Scott Sabol's domestic abuse allegations, seems to me that American Idol is fairly lenient about entanglement with the judicial system.

Could be that they allow you to stay in as long as you disclose all previous difficulties... but I don't know. Given the fact that, if this stuff is true, Paula was in the tank for one performer, and that's like Pete Rose betting on baseball (and, to be honest, equally important to me, too), they may have had to exclude this contestant or risk the, ahem, "credibility" of the contest.

ABC will run this important expose on Wednesday. Can't wait. Can't. F'n'. Wait.

It's really all so shocking. Paula Abdul always seemed well-centered and very together to me. I mean, apart from the fact that she was always showing up with mystery-casts and often seemed to be doped up on animal tranquilizers.

I Know, I Know: There's a war on.

I guess I'm supposed to be talking about John Bolton.

Here's my opinion on John Bolton: I have trouble separating the man from the moustache. The man himself is a diligent and intelligent public servant.

But that moustache is foul-tempered and sometimes lashes out at underlings and even stabs them in the cheeks with cocktail-forks.

I say: confirm him as ambassador, but require that his moustache be placed into a blind trust to be managed by disinterested lawyers until after his term as ambassador ends.

We Really Dodged a Bullet Here Update: For a moment, I was scared to death that the young man alleging he'd boinked Paula "Stability Defined" Abdul was... Clay Aiken.

Whew!

'Cuzzin' you just know he's a real skirt-chaser.

Life-Altering Correction: The show's on Wednesday, not Thursday, as I said originally. Thanks for the correction.

Are those bastards putting Pat O'Brien's dirty sex tapes against Paul Abdul's (dirty sex?) tapes?

Thank heavens for TiVo.

And thank heavens for May sweeps.

posted by Ace at 04:02 PM

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