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April 14, 2005

The Problem With TV: Not Gay Enough

Three -- three! -- new all-gay, all-the-time cable networks plan to launch.

Three new TV networks catering to gay and lesbian viewers are trying to establish themselves and all say they support one another - at least publicly.

Competition breeds interest and shows doubters the business is viable, said Frank Olsen, president of the Q Television Network. He once applied the same theory when he owned four gay and lesbian bars near each other in Seattle.

"I think there's room for all three of us," said Olsen, whose network is the underdog of the trio.

You know, I don't mean to stereotype (umm, okay, I do), but does anyone else have the suspicion these channels won't, in fact, "support" each other?

Anyone think that within a week they'll be running ads like "The Q Channel thinks she's Little Miss Thing, but she ain'"?

Besdies, there are already gay channels on the dial. They're called NBC and CBS and Bravo and Trio and HGTV and BBC-America and HBO and Showtime and Cinemax and... well, pretty much every frickin' channel except the Speed Channel and that home-shopping channel where they try to sell you sets of "100 limited-edition tactical folders" and autographed pictures of Cal Ripken Jr. exiting a men's room. (He's voided his bowels at least once a day for 15,678 straight days... hence his well-earned nickname, "The Iron Man.")

Every time I sit down to watch TV anymore I feel like I'm taking part in a psychological test to see how I respond to homoerotic stimuli. So far, so good; I'm passing... although I have to admit that "Constantine" on American Idol is, in fact, "smoldering."

Can't sing a lick, of course. But smolders like a young Ricky Schroeder on Silver Spoons.

Did I ask to learn what "pitchy" means, or what they mean on What Not To Wear when they say "cut on the bias"? No, I did not. And yet my mind is now all poluted and perverted with this highly-suspect information.

Thanks -- I guess -- to NickS.



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posted by Ace at 12:39 PM

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