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April 12, 2005
Terri's "Expert" Doctor Got Diagnosis Badly Wrong in 1980Court-appointed experts-- is there anything they don't know?: A neurologist hired by Michael Schiavo to confirm that his wife Terri was in a persistent vegetative state said he was "105 percent sure" of that diagnosis, but Dr. Ronald Cranford expressed similar certainty about a patient he examined in 1980 who later regained both consciousness and the ability to communicate. Now that's professionalism. I've seen similar statements in court. "Your honor, I object to that statement being allowed into evidence." [Judge:] "On what grounds?" "Because it's retarded." [Judge:] "Counsel, your response?" "I don't think it's retarded at all." "Well, you wouldn't, would you? You're a retard yourself. Your honor, can I introduce exhibits to demonstrate that opposite counsel is, in fact, a retard?" [Judge:] "What kind of exhibits?" "Some doodles my esteemed colleague-slash-retard drew up just yesterday." [Judge:] "What is the probative value of these exhibits?" "Well, they show Godzilla eating a building with airplanes attacking him. And not only is that retarded in itself, but it doesn't even look like Godzilla. It looks more like Meatloaf from the video I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That), except with some crude spines drawn down his back. And the capacity to spew radioactive-fire breath." "It's a work in progress, you moron. Besides, it's abstract. I was making a statement." "What possible statement did you hope to make?" "Oh, how about this for a statement: You suck." [Judge:] "I've heard enough. Chambers immediately. Let's resolve this whole 'retard' issue before getting into tangencies about who may or may not suck." Host and former U.S. Rep. Joe Scarborough interrupted to defend Daniels, touching off a clash with Cranford, which included the doctor admonishing Scarborough with: "You've got to get your facts straight." Emphasis added. Except for that sub-hed, morons. The really cool thing about Dr. Cranford's line of work is that if you play your cards right, and get yourself a sympathetic judge and an ex-husband hellbent on pulling a feeding tube, most of your misdiagnoses will never come to light. Pretty sweet, eh? Beats OB/GYN to hell and back and that score. Thanks to Alicia. Nanotech Update: Within ten years, all pads will be equipped with nanotech-pencil leads that will draw perfect doodles for you, with vanishing points and perspective lines and all that other crap I could never understand no matter how many times I read How To Draw the Marvel Comics Way. Give me a break, guys. I just want to know how to draw She-Hulk with cleavage that is pronounced and yet at the same time tastefully subtle. | Recent Comments
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