Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!



Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups






















« Gay Rumor! Of the Day! | Main | Dianne Feinstein Awarded Gay Award... For Causing Most Harm to Gay-Rights Movement »
April 08, 2005

Shock! A Repost! You've Gotta Be Kidding Me!

I've hated Wonkette for a long time! So long, in fact, that I once became "Wankette," and sought (futilely) the fame and fortune (errr...) that Wonkette had achieved.

The Wankette Gay Rumors Du Jour!

Determined to one day be called "funny and sharp" by former Washington Post gossiper Lloyd Grove, I boldy follow Wonkette's lead and will begin trafficking in gay-rumors that I just made up.

Credit must be given to my male interens Nicholas and Troi, who assisted me in making up these gay rumors.

I'm hoping to win a Polk Award.





MrParcells.jpg





Bill Parcells

Occupation: Much-traveled NFL coach.

Why He Might Be Gay: He's currently the coach of the Dallas "Cowboys," which must be the gayest team-nickname in the NFL, and will remain so in the foreseeable future, at least until the P-town Public Rest-Room Gay Hustlers become a franchise in 2008.

Plus, New York Giants tight end Jeremy Shockey called him a "homo," and I'm inclined to believe pretty much anything Jeremy Shockey tells me.

Why He Might Not Be Gay: Just look at him.

rosie.odonnell.jpg

Rosie O'Donnell

Occupation: Unfunny spherical comedian who began her undeservedly well-compensated career simply reciting Jerry Seinfeld's act without attribution.

Why She Might Be Gay: I don't know. It's just a sort of vibe I get from her.

Why She Might Not Be Gay: She seems to really dig Tom Cruise. She's always calling him "cutie patootie" and stuff, so she seems to dig on the dorkmeat.

Plus, I hear she has a kid.





new.face.image.jpg





Joshua Micah Marshall

Occupation: Hyperpartisan hack; Impressario at his local Starbucks.

Why He Might Be Gay: Just look at him.

Plus, in my experience, the more insistent you are on being called by your full given name ("Michael," "Thomas," "Stephen," "Christopher," etc.), the more likely you are to occasionally enjoy the pleasures of the ol' trouser-safari.

Someone who announces at the top of his website that his name is not "Josh Marshall," but rather "Joshua Micah Marshall," would seem to be telling the world "I am proud, I am fabulous, and I don't much care who knows it."

Why He Might Not Be Gay: He's chubby.

Now, don't get me wrong. There are lots of fat gay men. But not a lot of chubby gay men. Seems to me that if you're gay, and you're just twenty or thirty pounds from being not-chubby, you expend the time and effort to drop that weight like a bad habit (such as vaginal sex).

Joshua Micah Marshall seems to be disinclined to do any crunches or spend any time at all working on his lats. The fact that his dumper is bigger than the average kindergarten-teacher's is strong evidence for his heterosexual credentials.

Wonkette

Occupation: Internet Skank; procuress.

Why She Might Be Gay: Posed for faux-lesbian shots with fellow cyberwhore Jennifer Cutler.

Why She Might Not Be Gay: The faux-lesbian thing is pretty common among marginally-attractive non-lesbians looking for attention to which their looks wouldn't otherwise entitle them.

There's a well-known rule that the minute two sixes start making out with each other, they become a pair of eights.

Plus, few lesbians are that into gay-male culture. That's definitely a straight white liberal woman thing.

Not even gay dudes are as into gay crap as straight white liberal women. Even gay dudes are like, "Hey, ix-ne on the ag-fay all the ime-tay, okay?"

BobaFett.jpg

Boba Fett

Occupation: Bounty Hunter

Why He Might Be Gay: Wears a cape; carries around a lot of futuristic BDS&M equipment; calls his ship, which is shaped like an iron, the Slave One; collects funky metal sculptures of handsome men; is known to be a "dedicated bachelor."

Why He Might Not Be Gay: If you watch the eyeslits of his helmet, he occasionally looks at Princess Leia's metal bikini on Jabba's pleasure-barge.

But I don't know how to interpret that Is he thinking, "Tight little unit, there," or is he thinking, "She thinks she's all Little Miss Thing, but she ain't"?

It's a hard one to call.

Allah Update: Allah sends along this pic of Joshua Micah Christopher-Nicholas Stephan (prounouced "Steffan") Michael Pierre Tavington-Cavendish Marshall:

MarshallCaption.jpg

Okay, I admit it: Probably not gay. I'm the straightest, sloppiest, filthiest guy I know, and even I don't go out into public looking like that.

OTOH: Troi says the stubble might be a "beard." Troi is always making funny puns like that. He's incorrigible. .

He does this impersonation of Samantha from Sex & the City that is just absolutely precious... He keeps me in stitches. Stitches, I tell you.


Bad Timing Insensitivity Update: JHF informs me that Mrs. Clift's husband died recently.

I didn't know that. I have omitted the bit about her from the piece.


digg this
posted by Ace at 02:10 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
rickb223 Gold & Silver Spot Prices [s][/b][/i][/u]: ""S.O." I'm pretty sure it was Esso and other varia ..."

Joe Biden: " It's good to be da' King! ..."

Tex Lovera: "Enco and Esso were the same company. In Texas and ..."

runner: "OT, I foresee progress with hostage negotiations a ..."

Smellslikevictory: "Remember, a key to understand about Obama is that ..."

naturalfake: " Apparently, George Clooney was never a 5 year ol ..."

Romeo13: "Damn, so I experienced the depression and WW2 firs ..."

IC - Cope Harder, Liberals: "Trump wants Hamas to release prisoners before he t ..."

rickb223 Gold & Silver Spot Prices [s][/b][/i][/u]: "Was chatting once with a Brazilian army colonel an ..."

Truck Monkey: "esso was short for standard oil (?) Posted by: so ..."

AnonyBotymousDrivel Remembers Babbitt and Perna: "[i]"People change their minds. People's hearts mov ..."

Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM)[/b][/i][/s][/u]: "[i] Remember, a key to understand about Obama is ..."

Recent Entries
Search


Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64