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April 06, 2005

Gadget Beams Sensations Directly Into Your Brain

And they say they're going to use it for video games.

Uh-huh.

No kidding, I read a very persuasive piece that claimed that virtually all new communications technology -- from the printing press to photography to film to the VCR tape to the new craze known as INTERNET -- broke through to become the new standard only after first being primarily utilized... for pornography.

Hadcore Pornography -- History's, err, Handmaiden for Technological Advancement.

The Sins (who has the link) made the same point, basically... but come on! I thought of it independently. It's just... obvious.

When I think about a gadget that can pipe physical sensations directly into my brain, trust me, I'm not thinking "Shit! That would make the snowboarding in SSX3 like sooooooo much more radical!"

And the guy who invented this widget wasn't thinking that, either. Neither was the guy who wrote the article in which he pretends to believe him. Or even Santa Claus' top Elf Vice President in Charge of Video-Game Delivery.

'Sides-- it's all bullshit anyway. Everyone knows that to convincingly mimic a false smell to the human nose you need the omnichemical called "the Neutral Scent."

(Just tossing that reference out there for you supergeeks.)

Edited: Commenters reminded me about obvious other examples, like photography, film, and of course INTERNET.

Another commenter suggested this might be a spoof based on a previous April Fool's article in The New Scientist. I didn't think about the hoax angle, although I do think the article is bullshit. Most of these new-technology stories are.

I'm still waiting to fill up my car with gasoline made from turkey-necks, for example.

References Update: Ultron recalls Dennis Miller's prescient warning: "The day a working-class Joe can sit back in his barcalounger and have virtual sex with Claudia Schiffer is the day our country experiences an epidemic that will make crack look like Sanka."

Gail enthuses, "SOMEONE HAS INVENTED THE ORGASMATRON!!!"

And yet-- still no one indicates they know what the hell I'm talking about regarding the "Neutral Scent."

Either this is so obvious no one feels the need to even identify the reference, or else you guys just aren't the geeks I thought you were.

Of all people, bbeck should be all over that one.


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posted by Hoke at 04:39 PM

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