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March 11, 2005

Top Ten Additional Reasons the IDF Discriminates Against D&D Dorks

By Ace and the unofficial staff of Ace of Spades HQ.

10. Errors in navigation caused by conflict between global positioning system and graph paper (David)

9. Insubordinate gamers often accuse their higher-level officers of "munchkinism" or of being "the DM's pet" (Dave from Garfield Ridge; adapted a little)

8. Too many jeep's wheels have been blown out due to running over a misplaced d4 (Ace)

7. Morele is hurt when players refer to others as "Non-Player Characters" (vonKreedon)

6. Insist on establishing a "marching order" with painted miniatures before every patrol; fights often break out as someome is always stuck with being represented by a Parcheesi pawn or the shoe from Monopoly (Ace)

5. It's not the D&D per se that disqualifies, it's that most gamers can't meet the IDF's prerequisite minimum charisma of 8 (David)

4. Gamers' idea of "intelligence gathering" is going to the local bar, ordering a "mead," and asking the bartender, "So, any interesting rumors and/or opportunities for adventurers?"

3. More selfish recruits ignore the battle plan and go straight after the targets with the "the most experience points" (Patrick)

2. It is simply not a recognized defense to a court-martial that you are Chaotic Evil and simply being faithful to your "character concept" (adapted from Vecna)

...and the Number One Further Reason the IDF Discriminates Against D&D Dorks...

1. Six words: "Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!" (David)

Beating a Dead Paladin's Warhorse Bonus Entry:

0. Applications from gamers seem to include a suspicious number of "natural 18's" and successful rolls for psionics


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posted by Ace at 01:54 PM

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