"Sucicides" Bloody Orange Revolution | Main | Video Clip of the Month... and Maybe the Year
March 11, 2005

Top Ten Additional Reasons the IDF Discriminates Against D&D Dorks

By Ace and the unofficial staff of Ace of Spades HQ.

10. Errors in navigation caused by conflict between global positioning system and graph paper (David)

9. Insubordinate gamers often accuse their higher-level officers of "munchkinism" or of being "the DM's pet" (Dave from Garfield Ridge; adapted a little)

8. Too many jeep's wheels have been blown out due to running over a misplaced d4 (Ace)

7. Morele is hurt when players refer to others as "Non-Player Characters" (vonKreedon)

6. Insist on establishing a "marching order" with painted miniatures before every patrol; fights often break out as someome is always stuck with being represented by a Parcheesi pawn or the shoe from Monopoly (Ace)

5. It's not the D&D per se that disqualifies, it's that most gamers can't meet the IDF's prerequisite minimum charisma of 8 (David)

4. Gamers' idea of "intelligence gathering" is going to the local bar, ordering a "mead," and asking the bartender, "So, any interesting rumors and/or opportunities for adventurers?"

3. More selfish recruits ignore the battle plan and go straight after the targets with the "the most experience points" (Patrick)

2. It is simply not a recognized defense to a court-martial that you are Chaotic Evil and simply being faithful to your "character concept" (adapted from Vecna)

...and the Number One Further Reason the IDF Discriminates Against D&D Dorks...

1. Six words: "Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!" (David)

Beating a Dead Paladin's Warhorse Bonus Entry:

0. Applications from gamers seem to include a suspicious number of "natural 18's" and successful rolls for psionics


digg this
posted by Ace at 01:54 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
x: "I couldn't care less. I could care less. Same di ..."

random [s]lurker[/s] commenter: "hmmm, bets on whether the Awans have the texts? ..."

DaveA[/i][/b][/u][/s]: "[i]I'm choosing to interpret this as a compliment. ..."

Jewells45: "Or both nostrils. Eh.. I was thinking more alon ..."

SilverBellsCockleShellsEtc: ""Vic, with all respect, there are other punishment ..."

Weasel: " 458 I've actually seen several comments across t ..."

Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine: "454. 'Please forgive. All subjects who did not van ..."

Dack Thrombosis: "I've actually seen several comments across the web ..."

FBI Nerds: "Maybe the FBI has been hiring IT people from the s ..."

Mr. Peebles: "You'd think all this would warrant a Special Prose ..."

Acme Trucking Enterprises, White Truck Division [/i]: "[i]I tow the line on properly using expressions... ..."

Under Fire: "We should outsource our federal investigative arm ..."

Recent Entries
Search


MuNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64