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Man Surprised To Discover Five-Inch Knife Stuck Through His Head | Main | "Preference Cascades" and the Fall of Tyrants
March 07, 2005

Which D&D Character Are You?

Okay, I actually despise these "Which Somethin'-Somthin' Are You?" quizzes, but I'll make an exception for this one.

Not that it's a good quiz, mind you. I mean, they pretty much just come right out and ask you up front, "Are you an elf? Are you a ranger? Do you dig on scimitars?," and then, surprise surprise, you turn out to be an Elven Ranger with a scimitar.

There has to be some craftier, less-obvious way of getting at your D&D character than simply asking, "If you're stuck on a desert island, which of the following would you most want in your possession: a) a +3 Dwarven Thrower Warhammer, b) material components for your Magic Missile spells, c) a set of sweeeet +4 thief's picks and tools, or d) a Holy Symbol, or e) the faggy shit Druids carry around with them so they can Commune With Woodchucks?"

Not exactly subtle is what I'm saying.

Still, if you're interested, the quiz can be found here.

It was sent to me by long-time on-line correspondent VonKreedon. Half the reason I'm posting this quz is so I can tell this tale out of school:

VonKreedon is a good guy, but he's a super-liberal super-dork.

What do I mean by this?

I mean, he used to protest nuclear plants and then, after being arrested, play GURPS (an even dorkier version of D&D, in case the name doesn't give that away) while in jail. He actually offered this information up.

And then he (jokingly of course) said his favorite chant was "What do we want? An enjoyable session of communal fantasy role-playing! When do we want it? How's next Thursday sound?"

Playing a fantasy role playing game in the joint. You need to be either very brave or very stupid to try that one. Or just trying to "get lucky."

I never grew tired of asking him if he ever failed a saving throw against forcible gang-sodomy.

Sorry, VonK: But if you didn't want that out there you should never have said it, on the record, to an, ahem, on-line journalist like myself.

Besides. Comedy has no loyalties, no friends, and no conscience. It's like the Terminator programmed primarily to attack with "Yo Mama" jokes.


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posted by Ace at 03:33 PM

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