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March 03, 2005

Geena Davis To Star as the Commander-in-Chief

Geena Davis-- the President of the United States.

She isn't a bad actress, but I wouldn't say that she projects confidence or authority. Or, you know: gravitas.

And yet, hoping to cash in on The Left Wing's plunging ratings, ABC figures it's a good idea to explore a premise that jumped the shark three years ago with a gimmick that hasn't worked since... well, since never, really.

In a bold move, ABC has simultaneously announced both the date of the series' debut and its cancellation. It will premier in the Spring, and it will be cancelled after eight episodes after getting meager ratings and lukewarm reviews from critics.

"Look, we know the show's going to bomb," said a high-ranking ABC development executive. "Why not just cut out the middleman and start planning the 'haitus for a creative re-tooling' right now? That way, we can start working on the idiotic reality show that we'll stick in its time-slot as a last-minute replacement, without all the scrambling and hair-pulling. "

Geena Davis was said to be "thrilled" that someone in Hollywood still apparently has her phone number.

Ms. Davis is already developing clearly-inappropriate follow-up projects for after the pre-scheduled failure of Commander-in-Chief. These include Becky McCord: Teamster, in which she will portray a single mom trying to cope with her job as a paid union thug and leg-breaker, and Sister Sissy, about a sister forced to play parent to her younger siblings as juggles her responsibilities as a nymphomaniacal roadie for a Warrant cover band.

PS: The show is being produced by Rod Lurie, best known for his ham-handed and crude "political thriller" The Contender, about a female VP appointee accused of having sleazy group sex with an entire fraternity.

I described the movie at the time as "the feel-good gang-bang movie of the year!"

At least I think I wrote that. Either I said that, or someone within my immediate vicinity said that, or someone I read said that.

It sounds like something I'd say. If I'm stealing a line without giving credit, I apologize.

Lurie concluded his gang-bangs-have-nothing-to-do-with-job-performance agitprop with the rather inappropriate dedication, For Our Daughters.

Well, maybe your daughters, Rod. I'm sorta hoping mine will resist the temptation to nail an entire chapter of Sigma Mu.

There is no word yet on whether or not Geena Davis' character will "pull a train" with her cabinet for the spring sweeps.

Either way, it doesn't matter. This will be the third-to-last time you ever hear about this show. You'll see one commercial for it, and then you'll see one Geena Davis interview with Katie Couric in which Katie can barely contain her glee at the utterly amazing and controversial premise.

Duh... I was so fixated on the idiocy of this project I failed to see the political angle: preparing the American people for the thought of President Hillary Clinton.

Does. Not. Matter.

To the extent it makes anyone think of Hillary Clinton at all, it will make them think: Well, that didn't seem to work out very well at all. It was an amateurishly self-righteous and preachy mess that never should have gotten green-lit in the first place.

So, Rod Lurie:

Bring it on.

You know-- For Our Daughters.

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posted by Ace at 04:08 PM

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