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January 01, 2005

Best of Ace, #6: She Done Found Us Out, Cletus!

This was a fun post.

A very concerned liberal named Kathleen Anderton wrote to her local paper warning us all of the Republican plot to deliberately kill young, strong men in unending warfare so that we pencil-necked geeks could then take over the world (and all the tastiest women, I must assume) in some sort of worldwide Strangelovian sex-conspiracy.

Of course, she was absolutely right in every detail; my problem has always been that she just bitches about our plan for culling the young male population by 25% or more, without offering any constructive criticism as to how we're going to achieve our goals without deliberately murdering young men in senseless wars:

Let's be sensible here. We all know that if the conservative dream of an omnipotent Father-State is to be realized, we need to break up the natural loyalties of human beings, that is, to their families and sexual partners, so that there is no other object of loyalty but the perpetual WarState.

To do that, we're going to have to end all natural sexual reproduction. All humanoids will be artificially conceived and grown in factory birthvats; sex will be prohibited, and natural, "wildbirth" children will be hunted down and killed as enemies of the State.

We all know this. This isn't exactly controversial.

Notable for a couple of things, too. First, a commenter named Paul provided the best joke in the whole piece, which I of course had to move up into the post itself. Only blogs (with comments) can really provide that sort of instantaneous interactivity. "Real media" would have taken a week to get that comment printed as a letter to the editor, and by then the joke would have been long forgotten.

Also-- check the comments. Ms. Anderton, calling herself "The Author," takes me (and the commenters) to task. But she does thank me for helping to get the word out.

Well, no thanks needed, Ms. Anderton.

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posted by Ace at 05:47 PM

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