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December 29, 2004

Six Words I Really Never Thought I'd Write: Charles Schumer Is On Fuckin' Fire

Updated! Now With Obligatory Top Ten! (scroll down)

Now, don't get me wrong. I still think he's an unethical prick.

But give the man his due:

"Are you reconsidering your position on the war in Iraq now that the justifications presented by the Bush administration have all proved to be false?" [a left-wing professor named Alan Singer] complained.

When Schumer replied by asking how he would handle Iraq differently, Singer responded: "The Bush administration policies have destabilized that entire region of the world. I would work with European allies to find a way to leave immediately."

At that, Singer recalled, Schumer called him "a fool," before declaring that if the U.S. withdrew from Iraq it would be subject to a terrorist attack worse than 9/11 during the next three years.

Heh. Remember the media's outrage over Cheney's suggestion that, were Kerry to be elected and a terrorist strike should happen (not would happen, btw), the danger would be we'd slip back into a September 10th response?

Don't expect to hear similar gnashing of teeth over Schumer's claim that withdrawing from Iraq, as many liberals and Democrats advocate, would result in an attack worse than 9-11.

But he got in a good parting shot, too:

"I know people like you," Schumer shot back, saying that Singer and his ilk were responsible for the destruction of the Democrat Party.

"With your ideas you should not be allowed to be a teacher," the agitated Democrat added. "I know your type."

Is Schumer suggesting that we ought to "chill" this man's right to free expression-- and employment? Hey, I'm not saying I necessarily agree; I'm just looking for clarification.

And a stern scolding from the liberal media.

Think I'll get it?

Top Ten Signs That Charles Schumer -- Yes, Charles Schumer -- Is On Fuckin' Fire

10. Recently scandalized Maureen Dowd by confessing he rarely watched Sex & the City, and furthermore considered every character except Kristin Davis a "dirty, filthy whore"

9. Just introduced legislation to make January 12th a paid federal holiday called "National MILF Appreciation Day"

8. Apologized for a previous visit to Paris, explaining he only went there to "beat up hookers and steal their trick-money" and "defecate freely in the streets"

7. Old Charles Schumer Persona: Annoying, publicity-obsessed nebbish
New Charles Schumer Persona: Annoying, publicity-obsessed nebbish who just might know Jeet Kune Do, "The Way of the Intercepting Fist"

6. Keeps stealing Byron Dorgan's lunch money and "pantsing" Gerry Nadler

5. Never goes anywhere without his "bible," a pocket-sized copy of the inspirational words of R. Lee "Full Metal Jacket" Ermey, titled Get the Fuck Off My Obstacle You Disgusting Fatbody

4. His new chief of staff? Vinny Fuckin' Falcone

3. Keeps making prank calls ordering dozens of pizzas to Michael Moore's Upper West Side penthouse; oddly enough, Moore hasn't yet complained about this

2. Has taken to attending DC cocktail parties dressed as "The Humungous" from The Road Warrior

...and the Number One Sign that Charles Schumer Is On Fuckin' Fire...

1. Recently spotted at a Georgetown dive chugging beer and going shot-for-shot with Bob Dole's cock

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posted by Ace at 07:07 PM

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