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December 02, 2004

Need a Job? INXS Looking For New Frontman

Michael Hutchence offed himself, and the band broke up. Now they want to reform with a new singer chosen via an American Idol style auditional process.

The entry form is a bitch, though:

1. Do you ever feel like tying a rope around the rafter of your garage and hanging yourself?

2. Come on, don't shit me here. You know there's something transcendentally satisfying about that final delicious release into blissful oblivion. Just admit it, and we'll all feel better about ourselves.

3. When you're driving in a pouring rain at night and in fast-moving traffic, do you

A) keep your foot over your brake pedal in order to make smooth stops if necessary

B) keep your speed below 40 mph

C) listen to voices of beautiful but severe angels urging you to wrap your car around a lamp-post

4. Complete this sentence: I (do) (do not) have a well-nigh unconquerable urge to inject a cocktail of Everclear and rattlesnake venom directly into my vena cava.

5. Who would you say is the celebrity you feel the greatest kinship with?

A) Kurt Cobain

B) Jim Morrison

C) Sinbad, the happy-go-lucky life-affirming comedic actor

6. Ever get the blues?

7. If the answer to Number 6 is "Yes," do you ever wish for a hard rain to wash the world away? Or the desire to go joyriding and/or skiing with members of the Kennedy family?

Anyway, if you're interested, good luck with the gig! And make sure you wear one of those "CHOOSE LIFE" t-shirts from Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.

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posted by Ace at 03:52 PM

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