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September 20, 2004

Top Ten New CBS News Slogans

10. "We Get Breaking Stories to You Fast-- Without All That Tedious, Time-Consuming Fact-Checking That Slows Down Amateur Internet Bloggers"

9. "Maybe It Wasn't Such a Good Idea to Fire Connie Chung After All"

8. "Your Best Mix of National News -- 50% Fake, 50% Accurate"

7. "We Don't Just Read News Scripts -- We Read News SuperScripts. That's the CBS News Difference."

6. "Let's Face It, the Last Two Weeks Would Have Been Boring As Hell Without Us"

5. "Ethics, Schmethics-- Bush Is a Jagwad and You Know It"

4. ""We've Cut Out the Middlemen Between the DNC and the Liberal Media, And We Pass the Savings on to You, the Consumer"

3. "CBS News: A Proven Record of Trust With Stories' 'Thrusts,' 'Hearts,' and 'Essences;' With Actual 'Facts,' Not So Much"

2. "Because When You're Number Three You Try Harder, But Not So Hard As to Actually Get a Story Right"

...and the Number One New CBS News Slogan...

1. "CBS News: Some of this crap might even be true"


Dan Rather Retirement Watch Update: Whoops! I completely forgot to check the time.

At the tone, the Dan Rather Retirement Watch displays a time of

(bong)

11:57PM -- one minute closer to midnight ("spending time with his family" and/or "quitting to work on his life's dream, a coffee-table book compilation of the nation's best 'railroad songs'")


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posted by Ace at 12:51 PM

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