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August 17, 2004

Now She Done Really Found Us Out, Cletus!

I love any excuse to recycle old material. Especially when it's a good excuse.

Long ago, a moonbat named Kathleen Anderton wrote a letter to the editor of some newspaper. Her letter was full of such unhinged paranoiac moonbattery that I couldn't wait to inform her that yes, her lunatic suspicions about conservatives were all true.

Well, Ms. Anderton has apparently Google-searched her own name and discovered that article, as well as Way Off Bass' own verbal doses of Thorazine. And she's hopping mad about it all.

She wasn't being a nutter-- she was being ironic and/or satirical, like Jonathan Swift. (PS: Jessica Cutler is also a genius.)

Read her response and draw your own conclusions.

Update! Apparently she didn't just respond to Way Off Bass, as I'd feared. (How could she have forgotten me?) She actually did respond in the comments to the original post, under the shadowy alias "the author."

Sort of like "The Artist" aka Prince, but without the fetish for purple sequins and platform shoes.

Or, you know, the talent.

I'm happy now.

I just hope she didn't miss correspondent Paul's enigmatic and ominous warning:

When they came for the Cryonically-Suspended Incubator Women, I said nothing because I'm not a Cryonically-Suspended Incubator Woman.

When they came for the Legally Huntable Sub-Helots, I said nothing because I'm not a Legally Huntable Sub-Helot.

When they came for the Cyberclone Slaves, I said nothing because I'm not a Cyberclone Slave.

So when they came for me, I invented the Boson Reversal Disintegrator and it turned out not to matter that none of those other people were around any more.

I think that says it all. Ms. Anderton, "The Author," might want to put those words up in her kitchen, right next to the engraved chopping board reading "Bless this Mess."

Update: Responding to "The Author" more, um, thoughtfully:

That's what it was meant to do. As for my use of bad words - jackass, jackass, jackass - oh no, better close your eyes and ears to the things in this world that offend you.

I have no idea what she's talking about here. She writes this in response to Zetetic, but he himself called her a "jackass," and then appended his missive with the slightly-informal valediction "FOAD," which, last time I checked, did not mean "Fine Old 'appy Day." It means "Fuck off and die," so I don't really understand why Ms. Anderton thinks that it's her foul language which is being criticized.

Maybe the Shadowy Man Who Lives In the Back Of the Refrigerator called out to her while she was composing her response.

Besides, we really have done so much good with our war against terror.

I sense this is some of that "Swiftian irony" I've heard so much about.

In related news, the Shadowy Man Behind the Tupperware Casserole Dish says that Farenheit 9-11 may be "factually flawed," but it exposes a "truth greater than mere fact." He also says he's "super pumped" about the upcoming The Apprentice sequel.

I'm sure we're just one step behind that wily Bin Laden, and the Iraqi people are so much better off since we've gone in.

Subtle. I've got no beef against sarcasm, but simply stating the opposite of your beliefs in this bitchy sort of whine (I can almost hear her voice trembling) really isn't much of a trick.

They really do embrace our help and the rebuilding that's going on is just amazing.

In case some of you were taking solace from that remark, be warned: I think she probably doesn't mean it.

Thank goodness the U.S. is such a benevolent force.

Okay, first I doubted her Swiftian talents, but now I'm becoming a believer. The woman slices like mighty Gulliver through my Lilliputian mind.

Sarcasm. The opposite of what you mean. Not. Very. Challenging.

Our peace plan for Israel and Palestine is moving along quite well too. In case you all miss it again, I'm being ironic.

Shut up, really?!!

Plus the newest suggestion for sanctions against Sudan will show those rebels to stop killing the African villagers. I am so glad that we have such a wise and wonderful leader to follow.

His name is Dr. Barrows, and he's been meaning to have a word with you about the disturbing images in your fingerpainting.

Okay, my sarcastic response was hardly any better than The Author's, but, like any artist (such as fellow-literary-heir-of-Jonathan-Swift Kathleen Anderton), I'm limited by the materials I have to work with.


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posted by Ace at 10:49 PM

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