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Schroedinger's Candidate, Previsited »
August 16, 2004
Top Ten Ways To Let a New Jersey Governor You're Not Interested in Pursuing a Gay Affair With Him
10. Tell him "I like you, but I don't hot-man-on-man-gay-sex like you"
9. Politely decline his offer to appoint you "Secretary of the Fabulous"
8. Make a point of saying "straight-sounding" things in his presence, like "Check out the caboose on that fine filly" or "Did anyone catch Wild West Tech on The History Channel last night?"
7. "Shark Week" will also work
6. Let him down gently by telling him you're looking for someone who's "not so gubernatorial" as he is
5. When he comes to look at apartments with you, be sure to comment that "This would be a great room for having vaginal sex"
4. Attempt to appear listless and bored while he's sodomizing you
3. Explain to him you're already involved in a committed, loving gay relationship with actor Brian Dennehy
2. Decline to join his proposed "special two-man ad hoc committee for inspecting highway rest-stops"
...and the Number One Way to Let a New Jersey Governor You're Not Interested in Pursuing a Gay Affair With Him...
1. Slap his swish ass with a $50 million lawsuit