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July 12, 2004

Now That's Bad Acting: Madonna's Diva Act Nearly Kills Director

James Schlesinger says Madonna's ever-escalating demands -- first insisting that more "Indian music" be put in a mainstream rom-com, then demanding that costly CGI special effects be used to "beautify" her in the film -- caused him a heart attack. And probably the stroke he suffered later.

I can attest that this charge isn't as outlandish as it might first seem. After being abducted by former SLA terrorists and then forced to watch the director's cut of Body of Evidence, I myself developed a bad case of metabolic acidosis.

The combination of Madonna's acting and sex scenes also caused me to become, as my doctor's diagnosis put it, "half-a-fairy."

He prescribed a week of bed rest and a Russ Meyer movie marathon. I think it did the trick, but still, whenever I hear Willem Dafoe's voice, I have an almost irresistable impulse to go to Restoration Hardware and "redectorate madly."


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posted by Ace at 02:16 PM

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