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June 10, 2004

My Vagina is Large; It Contains Multitudes

A useless story which I didn't read and which I recommend you don't, either.

I'm only linking it because it's so frickin' asinine it's sort of funny.

Eve Ensler is advocating that women "vote their vaginas," whatever the hell that might mean. Odd that the very people who so stridentely insist that sexuality is a "construct" imposed by "society" also believe that their sex-organs have something meaningful and vital to contribute to the national political debate.

In related news, my left testical is very upset about the Central American Free Trade Agreement.

Why is it that liberals, particularly liberal women, are so damnably unfunny? Here's the author-ess' big laugh line, a comedic cliff-hanger intended to get you to follow her story through the jump:

The word, which Ensler has spent six years rehabilitating through her oft-performed show "The Vagina Monologues" and her V-Day campaign to end violence against women, all traditionally centered around Valentines Day, was plastered all over the Culture Project Theater in Manhattan. It adorned posters and pamphlets and buttons and tee-shirts worn by the hundred or so women who had gathered to help Ensler and her V-Day squad launch a "V is for Vote" campaign. Their hope is to mobilize young women off of their Marc-Jacobs-encased petards and into the polling booths. And on Monday, the day after the 60th anniversary of D-Day, they were officially launching the program. If D-Day and V-Day got together, would we call it V-D Day?

Ummmm... "we" wouldn't. Obviously some of us might. Some of the more, um, retarded among us.

Lots of big funny from the feminist left. Can't wait for the Vulvapalooza comedy tour, featuring the comic stylings of Shecky Pink and "Slappy" Pudendum.

Update! Now Hanoi Jane Fuckin' Fonda is stealing my new act:

This movement will be a volcano that will erupt in a flow of soft, hot, empathic, breathing, authentic, vagina-friendly, relational lava that will encircle patriarchy and smother it. We will be the flood and we'll be Noah's arc. "V" for Vagina, for vote, for victory.

Yeah, I've got some soft, hot, vagina-friendly relational lava for you right he--

I just can't do it. I just can't make these cheap, easy, juvenile non-jokes like Wonkette can. There's something blocking me from doing that.

Oh yeah: Talent. That old albatross around my neck.

But Hanoi Jane's just getting started:

And then, of course, there are what Eve Ensler calls Vagina-Friendly men, who choose to remain emotionally literate. It's not easy for them – look at the names they get called: wimp, pansy, pussy, soft, limp, momma's boy.

I've got a vagina-friendl man for yo--

Wait, I already decided against that one.

I don't know. One on hand, I sorta dig all this. I like politics, and I like chooch, so really, why not combine my two passions, as Ensler and Fonda do so eagerly?

Seriously. Why am I posting stuff about the economy when everyone just wants to talk about pooter? Why waste time writing about Iraq? Let's cut out the middleman and go straight for the tangberry.

We may have to rewrite the feminist slogan: All politics is pudendal.

Three words: Em. Fucking. Barassing.

Thanks a "load" to Way Off Bass.

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posted by Ace at 03:52 PM

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