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June 01, 2004

Al Franken Now Working At Air America For Free

"That sounds about right," say industry insiders

N E W Y O R K -- Al Franken, the bespectacled bonehead who hosts the O'Franken Report for Air America, has agreed to work at the fledling fiasco without salary until the station becomes financially solvent or else goes out of business, whichever comes sooner.

Which will, of course, be the second one.

Franken is best known for his "Stuart Smalley" character, whose foray into film raked in an astonishing $950,000, making it the top-grossing film starring a former member of the "Franken and Davis Show."

Stuart Saves His Family did stunning business at the box-office, taking in a haul that put it just thirty or forty million dollars shy of turning a profit. "Had the film made twenty million dollars more," Franken agent said, "people would be talking about Al as the new Chris Kattan, or at least the new Tim Kazurinsky."

Franken's show continues to be the highest-rated program on the Air America radio "network," which is a "network" in the same sense that you and your drinkin' buddy "Stinky" constitute a "network." Franken's ratings have zoomed in the past month, and the show is now rated number 6 in the New York market in the key demographic of 54-55 year old female abortion-services providers who own more that five Paula Cole albums.

In what a Franken spokesperson hails as a "triumph," Franken's ratings have now passed the ratings for non-Spanish speakers who accidentally listen to Spanish-language stations because they misprogrammed their cars' digital tuner and now have all ten presets set to Ola! Con Nina y "El Jalapeno."

"These numbers show absolutely remarkable growth," Franken's spokescreature said. "Within a month, we'll pass our key competitor, Channel D."

Channel D is a non-commercial bandwidth reserved for radio communications between security guards.

Air America celebrated the latest good news by throwing a party at one of New York's most exclusive restaurants, the 68th Street Bennigan's. The partygoers further saved station resources by skipping out on the bill.

"If Al Franken can work without a salary, so can the Bennigan's corporation," fellow host Lizz Winstead remarked. "We've all got to do our bit for progressive politics and social justice."

Lisa, the waitress who served them, disagrees, and says she wants to at least be tipped for her service. When asked if she harbors any hard feelings towards Al Franken, she turns quizzically and says, "Who?"


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