Saturday Night Club ONT - March 7, 2026 [2 Ds]

Welcome to Club ONT - a collaboration of The Disco and The Dino.

CSA (Club Service Announcement) - Daylight Savings Time will cause us to lose one hour of Club time tonight. Adjust your partying timeline accordingly!

[Top photo: Ocean Beach Brewery, courtesy of San Diego Magazine]

Saturday Night Jokes and Other Funnies

A United Nations plane carrying a large number of ambassadors was flying across the Pacific Ocean to go from America to Japan, when suddenly they lost several engines. They were too far away from any land, including Hawaii. The pilot announced that after jettisoning as much as they could from the cargo bay and fuel tanks, they still needed to reduce the overall load by 600 pounds, or three people to reach the closest airport. The crew was needed to fly the plane to safety, so three of the ambassadors would have to sacrifice themselves for everyone else by jumping to their deaths in the ocean below, as there were no parachutes. 

While a crew member opened the emergency door, the French ambassador stepped forward. "Vive la France!" he exclaimed as he plunged to his demise. Next, the British ambassador approached the door and said, "God save the king!", and plummeted to a watery grave. Finally, the American ambassador stood up, grabbed the Mexican ambassador and yelled, "Remember the Alamo!" and pushed him out.

Hat tip: JohnFNot Kerry

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A wealthy Texan commissioned an artist to paint him a mural depicting general Custer's last words at the Alamo. He gave the artist free range as to how he would arrange the mural. Weeks passed as the mural was in progress, but eventually the time came for the wealthy man to view the work.

He entered the room, full of expectation, to see a mural depicting a large blue fish with a halo atop a hoard of copulating Native Americans on the hillside below.

"What the hell is this?" the man said. "That's not what I asked for."

"Oh, but it is," said the artist. "It shows the true last sentiments and words of general Custer. I figured they'd be 'Holy Mackerel, look at all those fucking Indians!'"

Drink of the Night

Tonight we drew the 5 of Clubs from our deck of playing card cocktails

Club ONT Animal News Desk

Squirrel blamed for government Internet outage in Ohio county

A network outage that caused several government offices to lose phone and Internet services in an Ohio county is now being blamed on a meddlesome squirrel.

Medina County officials said the Feb. 20 outage that knocked out phone and Internet services at government facilities including the county prosecutor's office was initially thought to be caused by contractors accidentally slicing through underground fiber.

County Administrator Matt Springer revealed at last week's commissioner's meeting that the true cause has now been found to be a squirrel that built a nest inside the fiber infrastructure and chewed through multiple lines.

Perfessor, is that you?

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20 Camels Diqualified from Oman Beauty Contest for Botox Fillers and Plastic Surgery

In Arab countries like Oman, camel beauty contests are a big deal! Breeders from far and wide bring their best specimens for a chance to win the title of ‘most beautiful camel in the land,’ but in recent years, events have been plagued by scandals involving various cosmetic enhancements.

Last month, the 2026 Camel Beauty Show Festival in Al Musanaa, Omanaa, was rocked by the disqualification of 20 participants after veterinarians ruled that they had been artificially enhanced. Botox, lip fillers, silicone reshaping, and artificial hump inflation were some of the forbidden procedures discovered during the inspection.

Camel beauty contests are an important part of Arab tradition. For centuries, camel owners struggled to emphasize features like glossy coats, long, well-set necks, full lips, long eyelashes and firm humps through selective breeding and grooming, but in recent years, cosmetic enhancements have become very common.

Video segment at the link. Go ahead - discover more!

Club ONT Department of Stupid Human Tricks

This woman can play two recorders at the same time - one with each nostril.

Perhaps the most whelming thing about the video is that it has over 2.4 million views and almost 5300 comments.

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Not sufficiently whelmed? How about the world's fastest talker?

This video has 119 million views and over 259,000 comments. Are you not whelmed, now?!

Club ONT Department of New Food Ideas

Should we put this on the menu?

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OK, this is a much better video clip about meat!

The Club ONT Jukebox

A march for March

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Let's stay on the road!

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Club ONT is not responsible for injuries incurred in the course of time travel. If you are interested in falling back rather than springing ahead, the white haired guy in the carport tinkering with the aluminum sportscar might be able to help. His name is Emmett but he also responds to "Doc."

posted by Open Blogger at 10:00 PM

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