Saturday Night "Club ONT" September 20, 2025 [The 3 Ds]

Welcome to Club ONT! A collaboration the 3D's - The Disco, The Doggo, and The Dino. Breaking News: Management says no subscriptions - as long as you use turn signals while in the Club. Management lies.

Saturday Night Jokes and Other Funnies

In a Los Angeles hospital, an elderly man lay on his deathbed, surrounded by his wife, three kids, and a hospital nurse.

With a deep breath, he began speaking: "Bill, you get the Beverly Hills houses. Mary, the offices in the Center Center are yours. Debra, the apartments over the L.A. Plaza are all yours. And my dear wife, you take all the residential buildings near downtown."

The nurse, wide-eyed, said to wife, "Wow, your husband must have been an incredible man to amass so much Los Angeles property to leave behind."

The wife sighed and replied, "What property? The guy had a paper route!"

*****

A high school multiple choice exam required only Yes or No answers.

One of the students taking the test flips a coin and marks his answers based on how it lands. The teacher is clearly amused but doesn't say anything thinking that the student will be done soon.

An hour goes by, and everybody is finished except for the kid who is still flipping the coin. The teacher approaches him, and asks: "How come you're not done yet?"

"The student replies: "I'm double checking my answers."

Drink of the Night

Oktoberfest kicked off earlier today in Munich, Bavaria, Germany. In honor of Oktoberfest, Club ONT patrons are welcome to break out the lederhosen and put on the dirndl. Ladies, make sure you tie the bow on your apron on the correct side of your waist to indicate whether you are single or in a relationship. Left is single, right is in a relationship, back is a widow or waitress.

Wondering what kind of beer to serve for Oktoberfest? The Club has you covered!

The Complete Guide to Oktoberfest Beer

In the United States, typical Oktoberfest beers are most similar to a Märzen, which is an amber lager that’s brewed in spring and aged until fall. These use caramel malts that lead to beers on the sweeter, more full-bodied side of lager styles. It’s also the style that was served in Munich up until the 1970s.

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Munich’s Oktoberfest beers have changed more than once over the centuries. The first Oktoberfest beers were closer to a Dunkel, which is a dark lager. In the 1870s, paler malts became more common, and the Märzen was most typical. A century later, it lightened even more to the golden Festbiers served at the festival today. Officially speaking, there is actually a very limited number of true Oktoberfest beers, despite what store shelves may lead on. In the European Union, “Oktoberfestbier” has protected geographical indication status earned in 2022 that specifies a narrow range of original gravity, color, bitterness and alcohol content. Additionally, only Munich breweries can market as an “Oktoberfestbier.”

Much more at the link!

What are your favorite Oktoberfest beers here in the States? Sam Adams, Yuengling, and Shiner all make outstanding Oktobertfest / Octoberfest beers. Who else?

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Playing card drinks will return next week. Or the following week. Nobody knows exactly when. Do you remember where we left off?

Club ONT Music History Department

Dave Bickler was an original member of Survivor as lead singer. He is the voice of Eye of the Tiger. He left the band in 1983 due to polyps on his vocal cords. He later rejoined the band before being fired. Twice (2000 and 2016).

You may have known everything so far. But did you know that Bickler was the over-the-top singing voice for the "Real Men of Genius" Bud Light ad campaign?

I tried "password1234" but it didn't work. Wonder what the metadata tracking looks like with that?

Club ONT Snack of the Night

Something to argue about.

Club ONT Crime Blotter

Pennsylvania man stabbed with samurai sword during home invasion attempt

A Pennsylvania robbery suspect was hospitalized after being stabbed with a samurai sword during a home invasion Tuesday morning, authorities said in press release.

The suspect, identified as Marcus Armstrong, 35, attempted to rob two people, a man and a woman, outside of a Norristown home, according to Norristown police.

Police told ABC News' Philadelphia station WPVI that Armstrong forced his way into the Norristown home, where he encountered the male victim armed with a samurai sword.

Police followed a trail of blood dotted with evidence from the crime scene to where they found Armstrong, authorities said. He was found by police with a severe cut.

Club ONT Department of the Dodo

Apparently a company called Colossal Biosciences located in Dallas is working to bring the back the Dodo bird.

Colossal Advances Dodo De-Extinction with Significant, World’s First Breakthrough in Pigeon PGCs and Secures an Additional $120M in Funding for Species Expansion

[T]he funding allows for the expansion of Colossal's Avian Genetics Group who also have established a flock of gene-edited chickens that will serve as potential surrogates for dodos and other endangered bird species and generated new genomic resources for exotic and endangered pigeons that will facilitate identification of editing priorities for the dodo de-extinction project. These advances significantly accelerate progress toward dodo de-extinction and broaden tools for advancing biodiversity conservation for birds. The advances Colossal has made now extend avian PGC culture technology beyond chicken and geese, opening a new frontier in avian reproductive science.

Colossal has also announced the formation of the Mauritius Dodo Advisory Committee, a board of qualified individuals with deep connections to the country's culture. The experts will continue to provide input on Colossal’s local conservation efforts and aid in the development of a dodo rewilding program in Mauritius.

What could possibly go wrong? Nice to know that all the other world's problems have been solved and we have plenty of money available to resurrect a flightless bird.

Club Wholesome

Another Teen Ignoring the Speed Limit. 16 year old qualifies for World Championship in the 800M with record setting time.

Lutkenhaus booked his worlds slot by finishing second to Donavan Brazier in the U.S. qualifiers last month, clocking a scarcely credible 1:42.27 in the process.

That took more than three seconds off his personal best and was more than a second faster than the previous under-18 world best set by Kenya’s Timothy Kitum at the 2012 Olympics. It is the fourth-fastest 800 ever run by an American and the joint 18th-fastest by anyone.

Go get 'em kid!

***

This is one helluva flex.

Bro has the biggest flex ever 😂 pic.twitter.com/iW0VDPZ66l

— internet hall of fame (@InternetH0F) September 12, 2025

Club Wholesome Naughty Quotes

“If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.” ― Dorothy Parker, While Rome Burns

Club ONT Live Music Time Machine

Ain't No Sunshine

This one is a request from our Moron friend tankdemon.
Tuesday would have been BB King's 100th birthday, but the guy who does Tuesday ONTs is somewhat obtuse and forgot to include this on that day.

Hash Hall of Fame

When your hash is this good, you should have theme music. Congrats, Don Black.

Top 10ish Comments of the Week. Or thereabout...

Club ONT brought to you by Ferris Bueller:

Club ONT advises caution if you intend to both twist and shout when you're working it on out. If you require medical supplies after shaking it up, the cabinet on the wall in the office is stocked with band-aids, compression bandages, Tylenol, Advil and Aleve. Save Ferris.

posted by Open Blogger at 09:59 PM

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