Saturday Night "Club ONT" July 12, 2025 [The 3 Ds]

Welcome to Club ONT! A collaboration of your Sunday through Wednesday ONT Crew - The Disco, The Doggo, and The Dino. We have been expecting you - everyone breaks eventually. Pull up a chair and grab some peanuts and pretzels.

Saturday Night Jokes and Other Funnies

A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. He comes out, goes to the bartender. He says, “You’ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?”

The bartender turns to the band and yells, “Frank, I’ve got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!”

-----

One evening after the honeymoon, Bob was working on his Harley in the garage. His new wife was standing there by the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally said, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we're married, maybe it's time you quit spending so much of your time out here in the garage. You probably should consider selling your Harley and all that welding equipment; they take up so much of your time. And that gun collection and fishing gear, they just take up so much space. And you know that boat is such an ongoing expense and you hardly use it. I also think you should lose all those stupid model airplanes and your home brewing equipment. And what's the use of that vintage hot rod sports car?"

Bob got a horrified look on his face.

She noticed and said, "Darling, what's wrong?”

He replied, "You were starting to sound like my ex-wife.”

"Ex-wife!?" she shouted, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!”

Bob replied, "I wasn't..."

-----

Drink of the Night

Texas Ranch Water

Ingredients
3 oz. blanco tequila
1 1/2 oz. fresh lime juice
Seltzer (Topo Chico suggested), chilled
Ice
Fresh lime wedge for garnish

Directions
Add ice to glass
Add tequila and juice
Top with seltzer water
Add fresh lime wedge to garnish
Enjoy!

Club ONT Requests

At the Club, the venom is on tap.

We can do pythons.

Danger Noodles. Floridians pay $25 (a bit more than in town) to participate in the annual python hunt. Let's hope the gators are busy patrolling Alligator Alcatraz.

For 10 glorious days (July 11-20 this year), registered participants can try to catch as many gigantic danger noodles as possible. The person who nabs the most snakes wins $10,000, which might cover your bug spray bill and therapy copay.

Dynamite. Which one of you did this? Definitely a Moron. Cannot quote the whole thing. Very worth the click and read.

"Sir, I pulled you over because I saw something shiny in your car. Did you have your phone in your hand and on?" an officer would ask another driver.

"Goodness no. I'm a law-abiding citizen and I know that's not legal. I was lighting up some unregulated explosives."

"I'm sorry, you did what now?"

"Yeah, I was trying to read this new book. It's something about driving dummies. Anyway, I thought I was lighting up a road flare to give me some light, but turns out that stuff I stole from the construction site was actually dynamite. And just between me you and the fencepost over there, FYI, I would totally avoid that bridge we just drove over if you go back the other way. Long fuse on that dynamite but it's definitely going to go off here in a second."

Disco Doof's Mentor

Bro started dancing like he was 70 years younger. pic.twitter.com/mAN5Q6OieT

— Fight With Memes (@FightWithMemes) June 30, 2025

Club ONT Rocks Your World

The Club ONT dance floor has made the earth wobble and speed up! Or there may be other explanations:

Over the past two centuries, humans have quietly nudged the very axis of our planet. As thousands of dams have been built across the world, Earth's poles have tilted by over 1 meter (3 feet). The movement of Earth's poles can be traced to two great waves of dam construction: first in North America and Europe during the 19th and early 20th centuries, and then across Asia and East Africa in the latter half of the 20th century.

It's all to do with mass distribution and the planet's moment of inertia. Earth will happily spin like a basketball twirling on a fingertip, but if mass is suddenly added to one region, the rotation starts to wobble.

Faster, faster!

On July 9, 2025, Earth spun a little faster than usual, enough to make the day about 1.3 to 1.6 milliseconds shorter than the standard 24 hours.

That may not sound like much, but it was the shortest day since modern records began. It's not a one-off either. Scientists expect two more short days this summer, on July 22 and Aug. 5, all thanks, in part, to the moon.

Earth doesn't rotate at a perfectly constant speed. While we define a day as 24 hours, in reality, the length of a day can vary slightly from one day to the next due to both internal and external forces acting on the planet.

Over long timescales, Earth's rotation is actually gradually slowing down, largely because of tidal friction from the moon. The moon's gravity pulls on Earth's oceans, creating tidal bulges that act like a brake. This adds about 2 milliseconds to the length of a day every century.

But over shorter timescales, days to months, Earth's spin can actually speed up and that's what happened on July 9, and will also happen on July 22 and Aug. 5.

Everything is fake

AI-Generated Band Gets Over 1Million Spotify Listeners in Just Two Weeks

AI-generated Psych-rock band The Velvet Sundown didn’t exist two weeks ago, but today they boast over half a million listeners on Spotify and are getting to put out their third album.

The Velvet Sundown is either the hardest-working and most inspired rock group ever, or they are simply playing by different rules. The psych-rock band appeared out of nowhere two weeks ago, but managed to put out to albums and has already announced that the third will be released on Spotify soon. They already boast a respectable 500,000 monthly listeners on the popular music streaming platform and show no signs of slowing down. But the overnight success and record-breaking album release schedule drew attention to the band this week, with many accusing The Velvet Sundown of being an AI-generated gimmick. And, truth be told, all the signs point to that being the case.

Club ONT is 100% opposite of an AI experience. We prefer natural stupidity.

Club ONT Music

Top 10ish Comments of the Week. Or thereabout...

Club ONT brought to you by: Country hospitality and fresh scents.

pic.twitter.com/upPxZqRbtA

— jeFFF 𝔅ℜownS†ar 𝔊/𝓪𝓬𝓬 (@cdotminus) June 29, 2025

Club ONT disclaims responsibility for injuries sustained from polar-axis wobbles or abnormal earth-spinning speeds. If Club ONT patrons believe that the earth is spinning around them, just lay down and close your eyes. Eventually, the spinning will slow down, stop and your world will re-adjust. We've all been there. By the way, the fridge has been fully stocked with classic Mountain Dew. (None of that diet stuff here.) Help yourself.

posted by Open Blogger at 10:00 PM

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