First World Problems...

Everybody has seen these or similar machines in hotel rooms, and lots of people use them at home. They are undeniably convenient, and can make reasonably good coffee if the conditions are correct: a clean machine and good quality coffee.

But they are mass produced, and the tolerances in the chamber that holds the pod are sloppy, probably because the capsules are made by multiple manufacturers and are not identical -- and because they are cheaply made machines produced by the lowest bidder, probably by slave labor in some sh*thole in China.

And don't start with "you're doing it wrong!" There is only one way for the capsule to fit into the chamber, so even in the midst of a caffeine deficit I am able to navigate the complex process of opening the machine, dropping a capsule into the chamber, and closing the machine.

And occasionally...very occasionally, this happens!

Aside from the existential crisis of having my coffee delayed by 30 seconds, and the affront to my frugal nature, there is also the frustration of the failure of a complex process that has nonetheless been streamlined and simplified over the many years that these machines have been in use.

There is something called "tolerance stacking," which is simply the sum of the variation in each part that contributes to the whole. If those tolerances don't average out, then there can be issues with the function of the machine...any machine. The sloppy tolerances of these mass-market machines are partially compensated for by the forgiving design, but not completely!

The answer of course is to throw the machine out the window and hire a sexy French maid to make my coffee every morning, but that entails other existential risks. So I will soldier on, bravely confronting the small probability that my coffee will be delayed!

For those who are careful readers of the award-winning Food Thread, you may have noticed that I am not making my customary cone-filter coffee. I have no excuse, other than the difficulty of finding plain old cones! There is a fancy coffee store a few minutes away, but even I, an obsessive-compulsive coffee lunatic shied away from the $100+ systems they were selling. And by the time I explored enough to find sane stuff, I was deep into the convenience of the capsules.

Yes, I am weak.

posted by CBD at 02:00 PM

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