Saturday Night "Club ONT" May 17, 2025 [The 3 Ds]

Welcome to Club ONT! A collaboration of your Sunday through Wednesday ONT Crew - The Disco, The Doggo, and The Dino. Please note: Local law enforcement has recovered the sign that disappeared from the Club last weekend and has reportedly launched a full-blown dragnet in their quest to track down the Moron(s) responsible for the temporary sign adventure. They're currently dusting for fingerprints, collecting DNA, and possibly reaching out to the Gin Blossoms to get Mrs. Rita on the case. As we all know, this is the time-honored moment for the Rule of Siblings: Nobody saw anything, nobody knows anything.

Saturday Night Joke

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Dakota.

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own!"

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Dakota. We settle small disagreements like this with the "Three Kick Rule.'"

The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?"

The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger.

He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.

His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.

The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get onto his feet.

Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot. Now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

Club Trivia

Your brain is sometimes more active when you are asleep than awake. So yes, your brain is partying without you.

You can't tickle yourself. Yep, that damned brain again - it predicts the tickle.

Your foot is about the same length as your forearm. Go ahead, some of you are going to try it.

Lemons float in water. Limes sink in water.

Club Approved Staff

Sometimes it's best to just let things sort themselves out without the side of sass.

Club ONT guard dog try-outs

The search continues...

The three D's do not speak fifty languages (even when speaking in cursive). If any of the Horde does speak fifty languages, congratulations. You may pick up your door prize of one cocktail napkin and a high-five. Please note: The high-five will be from Disco or Doggo. The Dino has that genetic short arm thing he is dealing with.

How To Say 'Cheers' in 50 languages

Drink of the Night

Black-Eyed Susan: Official Cocktail of Preakness Stakes

Ingredients 1 ounce bourbon whiskey

1 ounce vodka

1 ounce peach schnapps

2 ounces orange juice

2 ounces sour mix

Orange slice, for garnish

Cherry, for garnish

Directions
Gather the ingredients.

In a cocktail shaker filled with ice, pour the bourbon, vodka, peach schnapps, orange juice, and sour mix.

Shake well.

Strain over crushed ice into a tall glass.

Garnish with an orange slice and cherry. Serve and enjoy.

Speaking of Preakness

Short promo clip from Preakness 40 years ago

Clip from Pimlico in the movie Tin Men

Pimlico racetrack (nicknamed Old Hilltop) in northwest Baltimore is decrepit. It will soon undergo a major renovation project.

What will the new Pimlico look like?

Pimlico's grandstand, clubhouse, horse barns will all be torn down over the summer

Last week, the Maryland Board of Public Works approved a demolition contract for Pimlico that will make the Northwest Baltimore facility the universe of Maryland horse racing.

The Maryland Thoroughbred Racetrack Operating Authority created the redevelopment plan that's now written into state law.

"This is real. I don't think anybody is going to believe it until they actually start to tear things down," said Greg Cross, the chairman of MTROA. "We have gone from a bill enacted and a concept, to a plan and actual implementation. We are really moving forward this time."

The state is investing $500 million into a plan to transform Pimlico's aging infrastructure into a year-round facility. The new Pimlico currently hosts 15 racing days. The plan is for the facility to host more than 100.

***

Demolition is slated to start in late June or early July, so the 2026 Preakness will move to Laurel Park.

By not rotating the track as originally planned, authorities said that also saves in the construction timeline, almost guaranteeing the Preakness returns to Baltimore in 2027.

Much more at the link including a video segment from WBAL News.

[Disco says: I couldn't find a clip online, but maybe some MD morons remember the old "Hiiiiiii... Hooooooo... PIMLICO!" jingle they used to include in their radio promos.]

Public service announcement:

Registration open for clothing-optional 5k race in South Carolina

A South Carolina resort says it already has a record 161 people signed up to run an annual 5k race with an unusual twist: it's clothing-optional.

The Carolina Foothills Resort, a nudist resort in Spartanburg County, said this year's Buck Creek Streak 5k already has a record high number of people registered for the June 14 race.

"You can go anywhere and do a 5k, but you can't go anywhere and run a 5k naked. If you go to the turkey trot and drop your drawers, you're probably gonna be arrested."

Club Music

Grab your roller skates and get out to the rink:

Same title - MUCH different song

Looks almost as fun as Club ONT

Top 10ish comments of the week. Or thereabout...

Club ONT brought to you by: Lost and Found. In the aftermath of last weekend's Club adventure, the following items were found during cleanup. Please collect your lost belongings, treasures, and dignity at the end of the evening.

Disclaimer: If the water turns to blood in Club ONT, there may be cause for concern but not for refunds. If frogs fall from the sky and swarm Club ONT, management will consider issuing gift cards for a future visit. If four horsemen show up and mean business, the end times are near. Please close out your tab before preparing to meet your maker. Taking an unpaid bar bill into the afterlife is bad form.

posted by Open Blogger at 10:00 PM

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