Saturday Night "Club ONT" May 3, 2025 [The 3 Ds]

Welcome to Club ONT! A collaboration of your Sunday through Wednesday ONT Crew - The Disco, The Doggo, and The Dino. Tonight's 'mane' attraction, The Kentucky Derby. Did any of you watch the race? Yay or neigh?

Saturday Night Joke

The Preacher and the Donkey

A preacher wanted to raise money for the local church and, upon hearing that there was a fortune to be found in horse racing, he decided to purchase one and enter himself. Unfortunately, the going price for a horse at the local auction house was too high so he ended up getting a donkey instead. He decides that, because he has it, he might as well try his luck so he enters it in the horse race and, to his great surprise, it comes in third place.

The newspaper headline the next day read, "Preacher's ass shows."

The preacher was quite pleased with this turn of events, so he decided to enter the donkey in the race again and this time it won.

The newspaper headline the next day read, "Preacher's ass out front."

The bishop was rather unhappy that the church was getting this kind of publicity, so he commanded the preacher to get rid of the donkey.

The newspaper headline the next day read, "Bishop scratches preacher's ass."

After some careful thought, the preacher agreed to give the donkey to a nun in a nearby convent.

The newspaper headline the next day read, "Nun has best ass in town."

This was too much for the bishop. He commanded the nun to get rid of the donkey again. She sold it to a local farmer for the price of $10.

The newspaper headline the next day read, "Nun sells ass for $10."

The bishop fainted. When he regained consciousness, he told the nun to buy the donkey back from the farmer and to then release it into the nearby fields.

The newspaper headline the next day read, "Nun announces ass is wild and free."

The bishop was buried the next day.

Club trivia.

The craziest stat I’ve seen about this year’s Kentucky Derby is that every single horse in this year’s race is a descendant of Secretariat.

— Joe Pompliano (@JoePompliano) May 3, 2025

Club endorsed: Calling horse races.

My Wife Knows Everything and The Wife Doesn't Know

Parody, NSFW - language. Horse names: Romance and Affection, Domestic Bliss, Nasty Attitude, Drinking Heavily, I Don't Give a Sh*t, and more.

This one is even better than bofa doaz!

Drink of the Night

Mint Julep

Surprisingly easy to make!

Whether you're hosting a Kentucky Derby party or you're just craving a refreshing bourbon cocktail, this mint julep recipe is sure to hit the spot.

The key to making a great mint julep is making fresh mint flavored simple syrup.

Mint Simple Syrup:

2 cups water
2 cups white sugar
1/2 cup roughly chopped fresh mint leaves

Cocktails:

8 cups crushed ice, or as needed
32 fluid ounces Kentucky bourbon
8 sprigs fresh mint for garnish

Once you have your mint flavored simple syrup -
Fill eight glasses with crushed ice
pour 4 ounces bourbon and 1/4 cup mint syrup into each cup
Top each drink with a mint sprig

Crushed ice works best. It allows for dense packing in the glass / cup.

Beyond The Derby and Julep

Bourbon and Horse Racing

When it comes to bourbon and horse racing, most people don't look past The Kentucky Derby, Churchill Downs, and the mint julep. This combination seems to be inexorably intwined. However, the story of bourbon and horse racing goes much deeper, and is much more vast than this one drink on this one day.

While a lot of focus is given to Louisville, where Churchill Downs is located, the real headquarters for racing in Kentucky lies in the area surrounding Lexington, where many of the world's top race horses are bred. Ironically, it's the Kentucky Bourbon Trail that connects these two cities, a nearly 80 mile stretch bookended on one side by Jim Beam, not too far from Louisville, and on the other by Wild Turkey, Four Roses, and Buffalo Trace, which are closer to Lexington.

It's in Lexington, not Louisville, where one of the crown jewels of the racing world lives: Keeneland Racetrack.

It's amazing that most people who are familiar with Churchill Downs and the Kentucky Derby have never heard of Keeneland, but it's importance and connection to Kentucky Bourbon is significant. Many of the distilleries near Lexington feature bottlings featuring horses and horse racing, most notably the running horses atop Buffalo Trace's Blanton's Bourbon. Keeneland is the home to the Bourbon Stakes race held every October, as well as the Maker's Mile (which is now the Maker's 46 Mile).

Perhaps Keeneland's most significant connection and contribution to Kentucky Bourbon is that the track was the first customer of a little emerging whiskey brand in the late 1950's called Maker's Mark.

***

There's no denying the importance of the Kentucky Derby and the mint julep, but the world of racing and bourbon extends far beyond that classic pairing. Those in the know, skip the insane crowds of Churchill Downs and make their way down to a little magical race track, right out side of Lexington, where champions run, and a little wheated bourbon got its start.

Read the whole thing for more fascinating history. And if you find yourself in central Kentucky on a weekend in April or October, do yourself a favor and visit Keeneland!

Horses are fine but don't forget about dino racing!

or weiner dog racing!

Bar games? Pool, darts, and Fingerhakeln (finger wrestling).

The sport dates back to the 17th century and whilst historically, finger wrestling is said to have been a method of solving disputes among men, today it is an organised sport featuring annual competitions for varying age and weight categories in Bavaria (Germany), Austria, and the alpine regions of western Europe.

At its core, finger wrestling involves two men sitting at opposite sides of a wooden table, middle fingers interlocked in a leather band, attempting to drag their opponent across the table. On either side sits a spotter ready to catch a backwards fall, and an umpire decides a winner after two defeats in an extended K.O. format.

Club Music

[Disco says: Long Hard Times to Come is the theme song to the show Justified (the greatest TV show ever), coincidentally set in Kentucky]

Top 10ish comments of the week. Or thereabout...

Club ONT brought to you by: Whiskey.

Dog finds old, full, whiskey bottles. Good doggo!

A whiskey river wasn't on Austin Contegiacomo's mind when he found an ocean of it - a Prohibition-era stash, to be exact - washed up on a New Jersey beach while he was walking his dog last month.

Club ONT is not responsible for gambling losses. If you tend to bet on a horse based on a cute name or a hometown reference, consider giving that money to Club ONT staff as a tip instead. At least you'll know where the money went and maybe get a "thank you" in return. You may refer to Club ONT bartenders and servers as "drink jockeys" but giving them the whip or spurs will not get your drink delivered faster.

posted by Open Blogger at 09:56 PM

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