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« Saturday Night Movie Thread [moviegique]: The Bad and the Beautiful (Megalopolis, Joker 2 & more) | Main | Daily Tech News 3 November 2024 »
November 02, 2024

Saturday Overnight Open Thread (11/2/24)

suburban-men-morning-fitness-workout-motivation-inspiration-20230114-110.jpg


*****

The Saturday Night Joke


It is easier for men to be Happy...


Men Are Just Happier People! What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.


You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache... You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!



*****


Moar Humor!



*****


You need moar humor?

The Presidential election of 2024 was too close to call. Neither Donald Trump nor Harris had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner. A week-long ice fishing competition seemed to be a sportsmanlike way to settle things, and the candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

After much back-and-forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Wisconsin. There were to be no observers present, and both politicians were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for the day to be counted and verified by a team of neutral parties.

At the end of the first day, Trump returned to the starting line, and he had 10 fish. Soon, Harris returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed she was just having a bad day or something and hopefully, she would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day Trump came in with 20 fish and Harris came in again with none.

That evening, the Democrats got together secretly and said to Harris, we think Trump is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. Tomorrow, don't even bother fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.

The next night (after Trump returns with 50 fish), the Democrats got together for the report of how the Republicans were cheating.

Harris shook her head and said, "You are not going to believe this, he's cutting holes in the ice.” (H/T Diogenes)


*****


A messy tradition in Chagrin Falls rolls on!

*****


Ya der 'eh. Its been awhile since we saw Charlie........


*****


Defund the police? Hell no!!!!

STOCKTON, Calif. —
A man's attempt at vigilante justice led to him mistakenly shooting at law enforcement personnel who were in the middle of a foot chase, the San Joaquin County Sheriff's Office said Thursday.

Deputies were looking for the people who triggered an alarm around 1:25 a.m. at the Pick-n-Pull along Clark Drive in Stockton, the sheriff's office said. When they got to the business, deputies spotted three people and ran after them, heading west from the northeast perimeter of the property.

*****

They don't make commercials like this one anymore.


*****


Once again!!!! The ONT Is Always Looking Out For YouTM

How to find lost objects: 6 techniques that really work

A few years ago, I lost my passport two days before a big, international trip. Getting a new passport expedited would cost hundreds of dollars. And I wasn’t sure if it would even arrive in time.

You can imagine how stressed I was. The last time I saw my passport was on my bed. I turned my room upside down to try and find it, to no avail.

*****


The ONT Musical Interlude & Lard Emporium


&&&&&


*****

We tell guys not to stick their d$%( into crazy. What about women? Genius Award Winner.

A female prison worker faces jail after she admitted having a fling with the murderer of law graduate Zara Aleena.

Hayley Jones, 33, pleaded guilty to misconduct in a public office over her ‘inappropriate relationship’ with Jordan McSweeney, 31, at HMP Belmarsh between March and April last year.


&&&&&


Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by International Brotherhood Of ER Surgeons.

redneck_ingenuity_clever_solutions_from_unconventional_thinkers_640_high_10.jpg


Notice: Posted with permission by someone who claims to be ace. But, it looks more like a hamster. Don't ask, don't tell.

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posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 10:00 PM

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