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« Saturday Evening Movie Thread [moviegique]: Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga | Main | Daily Tech News 30 June 2024 »
June 29, 2024

Saturday Overnight Open Thread (6/29/24)

Attachment-1.png


*****

Saturday Night Humor



A sardonic senior might say. . .

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there's a new strain out there.

It’s not my age that bothers me; it’s the side effects.

I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the kerb on bin day.

As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

Me, sobbing: "I can't see you anymore. . . I'm not going to let you hurt me again."
My Trainer: "It was one sit-up.”

As I’ve got older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.

I haven't done anything today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.

If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round. . and laughed and laughed and laughed.

I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.

I put my scales in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.

She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.

So you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it. Are you kidding me?

Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still a dumb-ass.

There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.



*****

My paternal grandfather was a Misanthropic SOB. I asked him once about the hickory tree in the middle of the south field. His reply wasn't as nice as the following:


*****


Greetings, Mis Hum ... There's a gentleman by the name of Mark Bland who posts dozens of REELS on Facebook which he obviously creates with his wife's input ... Not sure if any of the material is suitable for your AOC threads, but watching them should generate some chuckles ... I have a wonderful husband and all my children were boys so -- for the record -- I definitely am NOT a fan of "guys are dumb" stuff ... But I found myself appreciating this couple's unique method for sparking discussions, so decided to pass it along ... Below are two examples.

Enjoy, ........(Name withheld to protect the innocent)


When your wife drives like a Nascar driver:


When you send men to the store:


Good stuff! Thank you protected H/T Contributor.


*****


Just thinking out loud here. I wonder if Charlie Brown's Dildo has seen this documentary about his favorite all time band? And no, the Back Street Boys isn't his fav. But in his top 10.


The Rise and Fall of the Eighties’ Most Scandalous Pop Duo
New documentary tells the story of **********. It's more complicated than you'd think

*****


*****

The ONT Is Always Looking Out For YouTM. If it sounds too good to be true. If it sounds too bad too be true. More than likely someone is attempting to scam you. I haven't had one of these contacts in some time. But, when I did I would tell them I would meet them at the County Court house so they could serve me papers there. I was never taken up on the offer.


JUNE 23--In an audacious and heartbreaking scheme, a pair of elderly Floridians were swindled out of $400,000 in gold bars by a phone fraudster who claimed that the victims were facing arrest due to illegal activity in their respective Amazon accounts, according to court records.

Last month, a 78-year-old Jensen Beach resident called police to report that he had been bilked out of $154,000 after receiving a call from a man claiming to be an Amazon representative.

After being told about purported fraud on his account, the victim was transferred to a “Brian Alba,” who said he was “an agent with the US Government and that based on the activity there were several warrants out for his arrest.”


*****


Bugs Bunny is pissed!

Eastbound lanes of I-70 reopen after trailer carrying carrots catches fire
The fire was reported around 10:50 a.m. in the Floyd Hill area near U.S. 6 in Clear Creek County.


*****


The ONT Musical Interlude & Umbrella Emporium



On this day: June 29, 1979 - Lowell George
American singer-songwriter, multi-instrumentalist and producer, Lowell George died of a heart attack. The Little Feat front man was found dead at the Key Bridge Marriott Hotel in Arlington, Virginia. George joined Zappa's Mothers of Invention as rhythm guitarist in 1968, played guitar on John Cale's 1973 album Paris 1919, Harry Nilsson's Son of Schmilsson album and Jackson Browne's The Pretender. via thisdayinmusic.com


*****


Argument about the use of a taser leads us to tonight's: Genius Award Winner.

School resource officer accused of using Taser on Selma middle school teacher
Former school resource officer Dannya Tavarez is under investigation by the State Bureau of Investigation for allegations she assaulted a Selma teacher with a Taser.


BTW WTF is a "Resource officer"? Something like a human Dewey Decimal System?


*****


Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by Ace's Fine Cabinetry & Shelving, LLC.

having_a_bad_day_640_high_06.jpg

Notice: Posted with permission perhaps, maybe.

digg this
posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 09:11 PM

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