Saturday Overnight Open Thread (12/23/23)

'That's not what I'm laughing at,' he replied, 'I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you.' (H/T AZ deplorable moron)

My opinion? A Culver's Double Deluxe, please.

FOOD
I ranked 12 fast-food double cheeseburgers from worst to best, and my favorite was also one of the cheapest

I ranked double cheeseburgers from 12 different fast-food chains.
White Castle surprised me with its small, cheap, and super-flavorful sliders.
I thought In-N-Out's famous Double-Double was great value and undeniably delicious.

My choice isn't cheap. But I'm past the stage of eating cheap gut bombs.

What Would the ‘Home Alone’ Paris Trip Cost Today? We Did the Math.

We asked travel experts to calculate the cost of the McAllisters disastrous Christmas vacation.

It’s been more than 30 years since the Christmas classic “Home Alone” debuted, and watching it today feels like opening up a time capsule. It’s a travel relic, before the Transportation Security Administration was established and smartphones were invented. Those developments fix most of the plot points that led to 8-year-old Kevin McCallister getting left behind while his family goes to Paris.

For example, the McCallisters of 2023 would likely have their boarding passes on their phones, so spilled milk wouldn’t have led to Kevin’s ticket being tossed in the trash. And because most of us use our phones as alarms, a neighborhood power outage wouldn’t have impacted the departure plan.

And even if they had missed their wake-up call, they would have never made their flight. As Uncle Frank mentions, they left the house with 45 minutes until takeoff. The 21-mile drive between the McCallisters’ home in the Chicago suburb of Winnetka and O’Hare International can take roughly 26 to 45 minutes. Between drop-off, unloading the bounty of luggage, checking bags and clearing airport security, they had zero chance.

Sure, the logistics of the disasters don’t add up anymore, but the trip could still happen — if you have a wealthy benefactor. In case you need a refresher: Peter McCallister’s brother, Rob, transferred to Paris but “missed the whole family,” as Kevin’s mom Kate explains in the beginning of the movie, so “he’s giving us all this trip to Paris for the holidays so we can be together.”

As we re-watched the film this year, we wondered how much the trip would cost now for a group of 15, which includes airport transfers, first-class tickets and then emergency fights home to retrieve the kid you left behind. Three travel experts gave us their best calculations.

He's not the Wet Bandit. He's the Genius Award Winner.

DECEMBER 20--A man wearing a dress and carrying a dildo allegedly tried to burglarize the Florida residence of a 69-year-old woman, according to police who also charged the suspect with stalking.

Investigators say Marshall Jones, 40, first showed up outside the victim’s St. Petersburg residence last Friday around 1:30 AM. He was spotted on video trying to open the door.

At the time, according to an arrest affidavit, Jones was wearing a dress and had “what appeared to be an erect penis in his hand at waist level.” After trying to enter the home, Jones “is then seen pressing the erect penis against the door before walking away.

Jones allegedly came back to the property yesterday afternoon, but subsequently fled on foot.

Meet a Dozen Lesser-Known Christmas Characters, From Mr. Jingeling to Uncle Mistletoe

Created as department store marketing tools, many of these seasonal figures became beloved holiday traditions

As a child in Cleveland in the 1950s, Don Beck rushed home from school every day to watch “The Captain Penny Show,” a television program that typically featured cartoons, “The Three Stooges” or “The Little Rascals” shorts, and a variety of guests interviewed by the eponymous host, a railroad conductor portrayed by local radio announcer and TV personality Ron Penfound.

Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, Beck was always in a little more of a hurry to get home. That was the season the show included appearances by Mr. Jingeling, a locksmith who helped Santa Claus when he lost the key to his workshop. Mr. Jingeling made his debut in 1956, created by the local Halle Brothers Company department store. The character proved so popular that he became a mainstay of the Christmas season for decades.

Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by A Christmas Story.

Notice: Posted by someone who had keys to get into the Ace Media Empire and the offices of AceCorp, LLC. The use of Russian videos is not an endorsement of Russia, Russia, Russia.

posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 10:00 PM

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