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January 28, 2023

Saturday Overnight Open Thread (1/28/23)

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The Saturday Night Joke

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local store manager:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;


15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out. (H/T Blake)


The Saturday ONT Movie Review..........


Imagine a dog and his voice saying, "Even though this didn't work out I'm still a big sweetie."

A dog that got itself stuck in a tree in Idaho, after chasing a squirrel, gave fire crews and police a giggle when they came to his rescue.

“Well, definitely not a cat in a tree,” Caldwell Fire Department posted on Facebook on Jan. 12 after fire crews and police attended the site of a stuck pup named Izzy, a pit bull/husky mix. “After much coaxing, the canine was brought safely to the ground. Perhaps he will not be so persistent, next time, in chasing squirrels.”


Even on a Saturday night, The ONT Is Always Looking Out For YouTM

Dining out for many of us is a chance to try new flavors, have food brought to a table while we relax, and generally enjoy good food and new company. However, for a lot of us, it's hard to let go of the concern that the kitchen at a restaurant might not be as clean as we'd like. Fortunately, there are regulations put in place to alleviate some of those concerns and subtle signs that could signal a problem.

"Each city has its own health code, and every restaurant has to pass inspection," explains Kam Talebi, chef and owner of The Butcher's Table. "Restaurants are never warned when the inspection is coming either. We are very particular about our processes to ensure that everything stays sanitary and clean. Most cities have a letter grade system so you can get an idea of how clean the place is from outside."



A simpler and quieter time, 1950s.

Vintage Photos of Teenage Girls’ Fashion in the 1950s

These vintage photos capture the teenage girls’ fashion and style of the 1950s. During this time, the fashion was more conservative and gender-specific than it is today. Teenage girls were expected to wear skirts and dresses in all but the most casual circumstances.


You might not believe in Jesus Christ. But you really don't need to do this.

Topless woman breaks into church, destroys Jesus statue, police say

FARGO, N.D. (Valley News Live/Gray News) - Police said a woman wearing no shirt or bra broke into a Catholic church in North Dakota and destroyed a statue of Jesus.


Some people (Well most people) are nicer than me. And I would have unloaded on these dumbshits.

Cafe Visitor Takes Revenge On ‘Karen’ Customers Who Told Them To Move To Another Table Even Though They Got There First

here’s no denying that some folks are just downright unpleasant.

Low self-esteem, personal problems, a troubled upbringing, anger issues, emotional immaturity – the root cause could be debated forever. And while it’s true that the person or people in question may not be at fault per se, most of the time, the behavior is yielded by good old arrogance.

Don’t get me wrong, we all have our moments. I mean, are you seeing what’s happening in the world right now? It’s pure stress. Nevertheless, lashing out at strangers, whether you think that they’ve wronged you or not, is, quite frankly, ludicrous.

Losing your temper in public spaces, let alone packed public spaces, is the last thing you want to resort to – because, let’s face it, you will probably get outwitted, and who likes to look like a fool?


Looks like fun. Until........


Now, that's quite the vehicle. And I wouldn't mind having one.

California carmaker Rezvani has come up with a genuinely apocalyptic military-grade SUV that can pepper spray, electrify, and blind passersby.

The Batmobile-like monstrosity, dubbed the Rezvani Vengeance, is a heavily modified Cadillac Escalade SUV that's decked out with a preposterous number of military features that only the evilest of evil supervillains could possibly make use of.


I'm so happy that the UK has no other problems than drivers who make hand signals.

Drivers could be slapped with £1,000 fine if they use common 'thank you' gesture
A motoring expert has warned that a common gesture of politeness among drivers out on the road could see you slapped with a £1,000 fine, no matter how good your intentions may be


The ONT Musical Interlude & Hot Cocoa With Marshmallows Emporium

On this day: 28 Jan 1978
Van Halen released their first single, a cover of The Kinks' ‘You Really Got Me’. The Kinks' Dave Davies has claimed to dislike Van Halen's rendition of the song and stated of how a concert-goer once approached him after a live Kinks show and congratulated him on performing a "great cover of the Van Halen song." via thisdayinmusic.com


On this day: 28 Jan 2015
Funk legend Sly Stone was awarded $5m (£3.3m) in missed royalties by a Los Angeles court. The singer claimed his former manager, Gerald Goldstein, and lawyer, Glenn Stone, had cheated him out of earnings dating back more than 20 years. In 2011, it was reported he was homeless and living in a camper van after falling on hard times and fighting drug addiction problems. via thisdayinmusic.com


Smoking isn't good for you. Genius Award Winner.

A 30-year-old gentleman tried to steal gas while smoking a cigarette but, predictably, his ill-conceived stunt blew up in his face.

The Washington man was siphoning gas from another person's vehicle when the gasoline caught fire, not only totaling the car but also damaging the siding of the victim's house. He then fled the scene "with a woman in a gray sedan," according to Yahoo!.


He was just too tired! Genius Award Winner.

A suspected vehicle thief was arrested after San Diego Police said he parked the car and fell asleep at -- of all places -- the SDPD Traffic Division parking lot.

SAN DIEGO (KGTV) – A suspected vehicle thief was arrested after San Diego Police said he parked the car and fell asleep at -- of all places -- the SDPD Traffic Division parking lot.

At around 3 a.m. Thursday, an SDPD sergeant saw a white sedan parked in a handicapped spot in front of the SDPD Traffic Division station on Aero Drive in Serra Mesa.


What an adorable guy. Tonight's Feel Good Story of The Day.

Senior Dog Who Spent 14 Years In Shelter Gets To Sleep In New Bed For First Time
"It's very emotional to watch him transition and experience life on his own terms.”


Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by Disbelief.

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Notice: Someone in the bowels of the AoSHQ allowed this thing to happen. Do not taunt the bowling balls.

digg this
posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 09:38 PM

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