Saturday Overnight Open Thread (6/4/22) Adult Edition

President Biden visits a remote Native American reservation. With news and camera crews following him around as they tour the place, the President asks the Indian chief if there is anything they need.

"Well," says the chief, "We have three very important needs. First, we have a medical clinic, but no doctor to run it.”

Biden whips out his cellphone, dials a number, talks to somebody for two minutes, then hangs up. "I've pulled some strings. Your well-trained doctor will arrive in five days.” "Now what was the second problem?”

"We have no way to get clean water. The local mining operation has poisoned the water our people have been drinking for hundreds of years. We've been flying bottled water in, but it's terribly expensive.”

Once again, Biden dials a number, yells into the phone for a few minutes, and then hangs up. "The mine has been shut down permanently per my orders, and the owner is being billed for setting up a water purification plant for your people.”

"Now what was that third problem?" asks Biden.
The chief stares at him and says, "We have no cellphone reception up here!"

Where you live could be worse. Unless you live in one of these cities. The 15 most depressing cities in the USA.

So what if I have a hot mic. Fuck it.

Memorial Day isn’t the holiday weekend that’s known for fireworks, but that didn’t stop MLB umpire Tom Hallion from setting off an F-bomb.

During Sunday’s Rangers-Athletics game, the combination of a play at the plate and a hot mic left viewers at home with some unexpected 7th inning fireworks.

“Once I send it to New York it’s their f*cking call,” Hallion said to the Texas dugout in the now viral moment.

Bombs away in the video below.

Talk about a cheap date frugal entertainment for two.

My date thought it would be romantic to take me to a cemetery

Allow me to set the scene.

It was January 2022, I was 28 years old and, much like millions of other people around the world, I was in search of a meaningful relationship on a dating app.

Matches were few and far between but, for the first time since the pandemic began, I decided to pluck up the courage to ask one of them out.

She agreed, and an interactive gaming experience was booked for the following weekend.

I'm not really sure what goes through peoples minds at times. Why not raft a river when the hitchhiking isn't going well!

PORTLAND, Ore. (KOIN) — A man drifting down the Columbia River in a makeshift raft was rescued by tugboat crews just minutes before he would have been swept into the Bonneville Dam, the boat’s captain said.

The Skamania County Sheriff’s Office identified the man as 43-year-old Randell Betha, who was hitchhiking from Spokane, Washington, to Newport, Oregon. After Betha was tired from hitchhiking, he made a raft out of wood and rope and began traveling the Columbia River near Hood River Bridge.

Police told KOIN 6 News that Betha called 911 reporting he was stuck in the middle of the channel and could not make it to shore. Betha told 911 dispatch he did not have a life vest and did not know how to swim

Why do I love Lake Superior? Easy enough, salt and shark free............

I didn't feel like providing a Musical History Lesson tonight................So you get this instead.................

There seems to be a constant theme here. Once again a Florida Man is tonight's Genius Award Winner.

Box of loaded guns found in Florida school near 2018 Parkland shooting site belong to principal, police say

Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by Practical Reasoning.

Notice: Posted with permission by the Weekend Custodial Staff at the Ace Media Empire. AceCorp, LLC has no such luxury.

posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 09:48 PM

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