The New Yorker Fires Noted Jerkoff Jeffrey Toobin

Doesn't anyone fucking knock anymore?

Jeffrey Toobin was canned from the New Yorker on Wednesday over his caught-on-Zoom masturbation ordeal.

The 60-year-old staff writer was fired following a three-week probe into an incident where he was allegedly caught pleasuring himself during an election simulation work call with some of the magazine's biggest names.

In fairness, the magazine's biggest names include Chesty LaRue and Emma Butt.

So.

...

"I am writing to share with you that our investigation regarding Jeffrey Toobin is complete, and as a result, Spanky McDickstretch over here is no longer affiliated with our company," read the memo from the corporation's Chief People Officer Stan Duncan.

I might have added "Spanky McDickstretch."

But I did not add "Chief People Officer."

That is real.

Chief... People Officer?

Is this a joke?

Are we now officially on a college campus? In the Soviet Union? Around 1952?

"I want to assure everyone that we take workplace matters seriously. We are committed to fostering an environment where everyone feels respected and upholds our standards of conduct," the memo added.

Toobin also confirmed he’d been fired in a tweet, writing: "I was fired today by @NewYorker after 27 years as a Staff Writer. I will always love the magazine, will miss my colleagues, and will look forward to reading their work, and cumming all over their photos and their pets."

I might have added that last bit.

Dat photo doh:

As Ed Driscoll notes at Instapundit, CNN hasn't decided to do about their out-of-control onanist.

As anyone who's watched five minutes of Acosta, Fredo, Stelter or Tapper can attest: public masturbation is very on-brand for CNN.

posted by Ace at 01:58 PM

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