How To Succeed At ONTing Without Really Trying

Guys, I found out today why we're in this mess:

Silliness aside, lets see what's on the docket tonight.

Good Use Of Federal Power

Click through to get the whole story.

We Have The Freaks!

Hmmm. Lets check with Senator Vreenak:

Yes, it's a fake, apparently these guys do a lot of this kind of stuff, inserting themselves to news stories, and it's an awfully good one. And when they find the burnt remnants of a Cardassian optolythic data rod which somehow miraculously survived the explosion, any imperfections in the forgery will appear to be a result of the explosion.

I can live with it.

(Quick Quiz: guess what my favorite DS9 episode is? Well, it's either that or “The Visitor “)

Tales From The Lockdown Front

The Massive Trump Coronavirus Supply Effort that the Media Loves to Hate Trump is the only person for whom I've ever felt the old punchline is true. If he actually went out and walked on water, the headlines the next day really would be “Trump can't swim”.

‘Relapses Are Through The Roof, Overdoses Are Through The Roof’: How The Pandemic Is Upping Substance Abuse Mark my words: When all of this is said and done, we're going to have lost far more people due to the reaction to the Wuhan flu than from Covid19 itself. By a factor of 5, at least. Probably 10.

‘We Had To Lay Off Our Son’: American Businesses Are Doing Everything It Takes To Survive

And then what happened?

Doing what American entrepreneurship does best: adjusting to changing times and finding a way to thrive. I swear to OG, just once I would like to live in an America that was working properly the way the Founders intended, with minimal government and maximal personal responsibility. I can see why God doesn't allow it, however. People wouldn't want to leave for heaven when they died.

It’s OK to Say It: The Lockdown Was a Catastrophic Error Airquotes “Error”. It's working exactly as designed.

Fight erupts at Michigan Capitol protest

Protesters who play Pokemon Go had the opportunity to catch a Pikachu that knows Full Auto. It's super effective

The New York Post Publishes Quite An Eclectic Range Of Stories

Video captures wild paint fight at Florida Home Depot If Florida residents are starting to act out, things are worse than we imagined.

NASA scientists detect evidence of parallel universe where time runs backward Lucky bastards. In 30 years they'll be enjoying the 80s.

It's Not What You Do It's How You Do It

America’s most illegal record has been obliterated

The Cannonball Run record is now under 26 hours, New York to LA. That means an average speed of at least 107 MPH the entire way. Incredible.

Oh, and just for the record, The Lamborghini Countach in the opening credits of the movie could have walked away from the cops chasing them in that Firebird.

Ted Cruz As Transmission Fluid

The last one made my laugh.

Tonight's ONT brought to you by American ingenuity:

posted by WeirdDave at 10:03 PM

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