Roast Starfish: Hollywood Actor Josh Brolin Tries to Prove That Media Values are American Values;
Tries Suntanning His A**hole and Burns It and Complains About His Sunburnt Man-Mish on Instagram

Ah the media.

Our seers. Our philosophers.

Our heavily made-up Television Prophets.

A controversial new wellness practice that encourages tanning one of the body’s more delicate areas has made its way to Hollywood -- to seemingly disastrous effects.

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Actor Josh Brolin tried out the "perineum sunning" craze, which touts the alleged benefits of tanning the thin area of skin between the anus and the vagina or penis....

"Tried this perineum sunning that I’ve been hearing about and my suggestion is DO NOT do it as long as I did. My pucker hole is crazy burned and I was going to spend the day shopping with my family and instead I'm icing and using aloe and burn creams because of the severity of the pain," Brolin shared on Instagram, along with a string of curse words calling out the "stupid" trend that may in fact be detrimental to one's health.

But does your a**hole feel young and vital again? That's the important thing.

In case you weren't sure: Doctors warn against this absurd practice, noting that the skin of your nethers and butthole -- which have not had much sun exposure -- are very liable to burning and then to develop melanomas.

This doesn't make any sense, even as a crackpot theory.

Has anyone ever claimed "the skin cells of your anus are just absolute powerhouses of Vitamin D production?"

No. No one has ever said that. There are no ancient Chinese scrolls saying this.

Why would your anus be as good (let alone better) than your regular skin at producing vitamin D?

I think these people just have a fetish about buttholes and periods and sticking weird things into their mishes.

As the joke goes, And then the bear says, "This isn't really about the hunting, is it?"

Anyway, next time the media invites you to believe that Josh Brolin is some kind of rugged, masculine action hero, do please remember the image of him lying out in the sun, on his belly, legs spread wide and "presenting" to the sun, with a tinfoil-covered solar reflecting funnel stuck nine deep up his a**hole.

posted by Ace of Spades at 07:48 PM

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