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August 26, 2019

Star Wars Is a Dead Franchise

Creatively dead, anyway.

The "new" movie is already confirmed to feature an old Death Star, as wreckage, as a major location, and the new trailer suggests there will also be another fully operational death star (or miniature death star) as part of the plot, too.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker May Feature ANOTHER Death Star

If you want to get to the core elements of any film, look for the elements that are parodied, and you will find it. The Death Star is such a staple of Star Wars that it's synonymous with the Galactic Empire and its successor, the First Order, and it has become almost too easy to mock them.

However, that has not deterred director J.J. Abrams from bringing back the image of enormous battle station, and its planet-destroying firepower, in Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. We already saw the wreckage of what's presumed to be the second Death Star in the film's teaser trailer, but the newly released D23 sneak peek also hints at (in the words of Palpatine) a fully armed and operational battle station. At about 1:27 mark, what appears to be a red Starkiller beam cuts across a snowy planet, presumably Kijimi.

Here's more evidence the franchise is creatively dead: the movie poster just released this weekend --which people have noted looks like fan art, not professional art -- features a leering Palpatine (who's already been in five movies and was already defeated).

But this image of a leering Palpatine doesn't seem to be new art -- it looks like it's just a trace-over of a picture of a "Hot Toys" action figure of Palpatine.

Want more evidence? The final image in the new trailer is this deeply stupid thing, which is supposed to get the childlike, effeminate fanbois into a froth.

It's the stupidest looking thing I've ever seen.

Oh, that's "Dark Rey" which is also supposed to get the soyboys hyperventilating. Many speculate that it's just a dream or premonition of what may happen, and that it was really filmed only for purposes of being cut into a trailer.

Here's the full video, featuring... red-eyed, evil-makeover/battle-programmed C3PO.

Which I'm sure we've all been dying to see.

By the way, that Evil C3P0 seems to confirm some points of an alleged leak of plot points that appeared on Reddit. I don't know all these plot points; I stopped reading because 1, they were stupid and 2, I don't care about Star Wars.

People didn't believe these plot points because they were so dumb. But the plot points did mention C3P0 downloading some kind of battle-droid program and becoming a super-bad-ass.

So maybe that stupid leak of plot points is real.

Bablyon Bee: 'The Star Wars Finale Will Answer All Of Your Questions,' Says Guy Who Created 'Lost'

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posted by Ace of Spades at 05:19 PM

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