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Did Joaqueen Castro Break Federal Hate Crime Laws? | Main | Semi-Secret Below-the-Main Post Post
August 08, 2019

Disney Proves There's Still Magic and Creativity in Hollywood, Announcing Ambitious Project Based on Entirely Original Idea

Ha ha, I'm just goofin', ya idiots!

They're rebooting Home Alone.

But they do have some other innovative ideas -- like rebooting other properties, some of which are only four years old.

Disney is coming out swinging with its new streaming service, having already announced Marvel and Star Wars' series, but now the studio is also bringing the nostalgia, most notably with plans for a reboot of the 1990 classic Home Alone.

On a Tuesday earnings call, Disney CEO Bob Iger revealed that the recent acquisition of Fox will allow Disney+ to be the home for the "reimagining" of many kid-friendly titles from the studio's library, including Home Alone, Night at the Museum, Cheaper by the Dozen, and Diary of a Wimpy Kid. It's currently unclear if these reboots will be films or TV series.

"Reimagining" Home Alone and Cheaper by the Dozen. Giving those properties exciting new lore.

Is this going to be a crossover universe? Will Kevin McAllister have to team up with the night watchman to defend the museum from thieves?

Is this the beginning of the Kevin McAllister Cinematic Universe?

PITCH MEETING: Disney Streaming Reboots!

Executive Guy: So you have a new Disney plus streaming service pitch for me?

Screenwriter Guy: I do, sir. I was thinking, remember those movies we made before that made money?

Executive Guy: Sure I do, I love money!

Screenwriter Guy: I know you do, sir. So I was thinking, we made money with past Disney properties like Home Alone, Night at the Museum, Cheaper by the Dozen, and Diary of a Wimpy Kid. So to make even more money, I thought we could do that.

Executive Guy: Do what?

Screenwriter Guy: Just do that. Do those movies all over again.

Executive Guy: Well we've remade movies before, but what's our gimmick?

Screenwriter Guy: Gimmick?

Executive Guy: Well, we remake movies, but with a gimmick like making an animated film into live action. Will it be hard to come up with a new gimmick?

Screenwriter Guy: Super easy, barely an inconvenience. We don't have a gimmick. We just literally film the same scripts again.

Executive Guy: Can you do that? Just do the same thing all over again? It's only been a few years.

Screenwriter Guy: Are you worried about artistic integrity?

Executive Guy (angrily): Oh God no! But I just can't imagine making money from this stuff a second time.

Screenwriter Guy: You can't?

Executive Guy: I mean, I can imagine making money from these movies in the past....

Screenwriter Guy: We don't call imagining things in the past "imagining," sir.

Executive Guy: What do we call it?

Screenwriter Guy: We call it "remembering."

Executive Guy: Aw dang it. I can imagine having heard that once before.

Screenwriter Guy: Whoops!

Executive Guy: Whoopsie! Well, I can imagine with my memory making money on those movies in the past, but I can't imagine making money on them again in the future.

Screenwriter Guy: Just try re-imagining it, sir. In fact, that can be our gimmick. We can call them "reimaginations."

Executive Guy: Reimaginations! I love it! So we'll be filling these projects with lots of crazy ideas from brand-new imaginations?!

Screenwriter Guy: No.

Executive Guy: Oooh, reimaginations without any imagination are TIGHT! So you think we can really get away with this?

Screenwriter Guy: I think we can, so long as the original cast helps promote it.

[SMASH CUT TO END CREDIT GAG]




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posted by Ace of Spades at 03:00 PM

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