007 Will Now Be a Black Woman or Something

I don't think it's real. I mean, part of it is real. But it's not really real.

Ages ago, Barbara Broccoli (daughter of EON co-founder "Cubby" Broccoli) was asked if she'd ever make a Female James Bond movie, and she said: "James Bond will always be a man."

Period.

But you know how the UK is now -- it's like 20% worse than America. So every male hero has to be gender-swapped to female, and the British media will attack you until you give in.

The "007 is now a black woman" story goes like this: Supposedly, James Bond begins the next terrible movie retired, so his code-number is now released to be used by others. (They're not going to retire that number and hang his Tuxedo from the rafters? Guy's saved the world like 22 times.)

The "007" who is played by the Captain Marvel actress (another Charisma Exclusion Zone, I'm told) is not James Bond, but just another agent who's been elevated to 00 status, and assigned his old number because it was available.

I agree with the anti-SJW pop culture channel Nerdrotic about this -- Barbara Broccoli and her husband Michael G. Wilson got so sick of the "When is James Bond going to be a woman? Black? Gay?" question that they decided to shut the SJWs up and make a black woman "007" (but not James Bond) briefly in one movie, so that The Mary Sue would get off their backs. I also agree that if Broccoli wants to really end all questions, they'll also bait that this new 007 is a lesbian, so they can Check That Box on the "gay" 007 thing too.

Based on what usually happens in movies, I imagine that this 007 will be killed during the movie, and the real 007 will have to come out of retirement to investigate, or will cede the number back to James Bond near the end of the movie when she realizes he really is a legend and that number should only be his.

I hate the James Bond movies now so this isn't fanboy stuff; I'd kind of love it if they did just set fire to the IP, like they've set fire to Star Wars, Doctor Who, Ghostbusters, etc.

Burn it all up.

But I think this is a fake-out.

You know what's even more of a danger to the 007 franchise?

Their new devotion to continuity.

They're pushing continuity in every movie now. The first one showed Bond getting his 00 license to kill. The third one showed him getting older and going missing and retiring, then coming back. The fourth one also heavily implied he was retiring and getting married. This newest one will feature him retired, and probably with a dead wife on his hands.

What are they going to do when Craig retires? Another reboot?

The old series of 007 movies ignored continuity to the point where no one even wondered about it any more, making it very easy to swap out actors or remake old plotlines or violate prior history in the series.

But these Craig movies are emphasizing that this is all supposed to be part of the same non-epic epic. There's supposed to be a real throughline. We're following Bond through most of his career.

So what happens when Craig retires?

It will be weird when another actor comes in and says "Ignore the past five movies' continuity."

And yeah, in the old series, we always had to ignore prior continuity, but we'd gotten used to the idea that no James Bond movie was really a "sequel" to any other -- each movie was basically a stand-alone with little to no connection to any other movie.

Now they've made it weird.

Likely Plot: Just so you know, there was a leak/rumor that the newest film would be called "Shatterhand."

This was denied.

But so everyone knows: Shatterhand was the pseudonym Blofeld was using in You Only Live Twice, AFTER he'd murdered Tracy.

So if this movie indeed has something to do with "Shatterhand," the plot would go like this: Bond is retired in the beginning of the film, after having married the bland Lea Seydoux from Specter, and Blofeld or his agents kill his wife.

Then he un-retires and seeks vengeance.

So this "new 007" would probably just be investigating a front that turns out to be Blofeld in the beginning of the movie, to offer some espionage-type stuff in between the "Bond hanging out in Jamaica with his wife" stuff to set the stage.

posted by Ace of Spades at 02:35 PM

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