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September 05, 2017

Woman Attempts to Rescue First Date from Embarrassment of Non-Flushing Toilet... By Flinging Poo Out of the Window

There is a positive side to this story -- she explained what she'd done in her poo-panic to her date, who seems to be taking it in stride.

You've got to read this.

“We had a lovely evening, and enjoyed each other’s company very much.

“After our meal, we repaired back to my house for a bottle of wine and a scientology documentary.

“About an hour in to Louis Theroux and chill, my date got up to use the toilet. She returned with a panicked look in her eye, and told me she had something to tell me.

“’I went for a poo in your toilet’, she told me ‘and it would not flush. I don't know why I did this, but I panicked’, she continued ‘I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window’.

“I was understandably concerned, and told her we would go outside, bag up the offending poo in the garden, bin it, and pretend the whole sorry affair had never happened.

“Unfortunately, owing to a design quirk of my house, the toilet window does not in fact open to the garden, but instead into a narrow gap of about a foot and a half, separated from the outside world by another (non-opening) double glazed window. It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo.

So the poo was caught between the first pane and the second.

At this point, it gets weird:

“As can be seen in the picture, the inside window opens at the top, into the gap that is separated from the garden by a non-opening double-glazed window pane. Seeing only one solution, I messaged our house group-chat, and went upstairs to find a hammer and chisel to smash open the window.

“My date had other ideas.

“Being an amateur gymnast, she was convinced that she could reach into the window and pull the poo out, using the tried and tested "inside out bag as glove" technique. Unfortunately she couldn't reach. She climbed further in and had the same problem. Eventually I agreed to give her a boost up and into the window.

“She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came. She called out to me to help her climb out from the window, I grabbed her waist and I pulled. But she was stuck. Stuck fast. Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window. She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap."

The affair ended with the Bristol fire department being called to extricate the woman from her own poo-sonal hell.

Man's reach exceeds his grasp, sometimes.

Anyway, we saw some honesty, some team-work in the face of adversity, and some dramatic events. Not bad for a first date. Maybe this couple has a future that doesn't involve poop mishaps.


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posted by Ace at 08:24 PM

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