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September 07, 2016

Neil DeGrasse Tyson Is Here For Two Things, To Smoke Pot and Blow Your Minds With Science, and He's All Out of Pot
Wait, Found a Nice Bud Under the Cushion

So Professor Dipshit is here to entertain his low-IQ disciples with crap that most intelligent people learned in their first visit to the planetarium in first grade:

I tweeted some #JackedScienceFacts (if I'm gettin' jacked, I want my science to be jacked, too) at him:

FACT: Some are confused about the meaning of "lightspeed." In layman's terms, it means the speed at which light travels

FACT: the earth is 70% covered with water, and our bodies are 70% water. Or 60%. Or something. More than half, anyway.

For years, philosophers have pondered if God could make a shoe so large that even He would say, "Shit, big shoe"

FACT: All stars were named by Arabs. Except for the Dog Star. That was named by Dogs. Now who's the racist, Racist?

FACT: the earth orbits the Sun in exactly one solar year. Astronomers have long pondered this cosmic coincidence

A student who exclusively uses the Metric System when speaking to peers will find his asskickings multiplied precisely by ten

The bong, a tubular instrument most often used for inhaling vaporous herbs, was invented by 15th C Italian chemist Guiseppe Bong

FACT: The element Wulfram is so named because it is found only in wolves' tongues. That's why it is also called Tungsten

The Dyson Sphere is a speculative engineering concept of a shell completely enclosing a star to power a giant vacuum

the ancient greeks believed all matter was made up of five elemental substances: earth, air, water, fire, and atoms

FACT: Socrates thought women were inferior because they had 30 teeth instead of 32. We now know this to be false, of course. The inferiority is due to their brains, which are small and dumb. Like those of mollusks.

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posted by Ace at 05:35 PM

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