Adult Babies of Oberlin College: Our Cafeteria Food is Microaggressive Due to Being Poor Exemplars of the Foods of Our Foreign Friends | Main | Overnight Open Thread (4-13-2016) - Oopsie Poopsie Edition
April 13, 2016

One US Territory Taxes Guns at the Rate of $1000 Per Gun, and Left Looks to Model As Just Delightful

So.

I'm knocking off early.

I have an excuse.

I'm sick. Well, I'm tired and run down and sick.

Because I'm tired, I've been drinking a lot of caffeine.

Because I had a lot of caffeine, I had disaster-pants earlier.

No really. Around 2.

You ever think you're just releasing some pressure, as you do several times a day, and then you suddenly realize, just as that hot bubble of horror erupts, "Oh dear"?

So that's what happened today. I pooped my pants.

It wasn't actually poop. Poop would have been, comparatively, a delight. A mitzvah.

Poop would have been like the flight that Captain Sully crash-landed in the river. You think it's going to be horrible, and then it's like: "Oh, this isn't so bad. This is just an inconvenience. I just need a hand-towel and a fresh ascot."

It takes a lot out of you, actually. I need to hydrate or something.

I haven't felt quite right since The Event.

Everything's different now. Colors are more muted. Music has no life.

Anyway. Good night.


SHOCK ADMISSION: BLOGGER DID TWOSIES AT TWO-ISH

YELLEN: ONLY LOOSE MONEY POLICY CAN KEEP BUBBLE FROM BREAKING

ROGER STONE: "PERFECT SPOKESMAN" FOR "POOPIE-PANTS CRUZ"

TRUMP: I ONLY CRAP ON ITALIAN MARBLE TOILETS AND LUXURIOUS BRAZILIAN CALL-GIRLS


[OregonMuse]: I've got the perfect remedy for what ails ace, and it will also be good for those Oberlin punks:


butt cream.jpg

digg this
posted by Ace at 06:18 PM

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