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October 14, 2015

"What a Stupid Time to be Alive"

That's @johnekdahl's quote, as @daveintexas reminds me.

Here is the proof:

To protest the campus carry law in Texas, young co-illiterates are carrying dildos, because fake penises are a weapon in the Rape War. Or something.

I don't know. They're not known for the rigor of their thinking.

"You're carrying a gun to class? Yeah well I'm carrying a HUGE DILDO," Jessica Jin, organiser of Campus (DILDO) Carry, wrote on Facebook.

Excuse me, Attention-Seeking Citizen, why would I care?

I'm thinking you were already carrying one around, protest or no.

About 3,000 people have signed up for the protest, which is planned for next year when the law takes effect.

...

"The State of Texas has decided that it is not at all obnoxious to allow deadly concealed weapons in classrooms, however it DOES have strict rules about free sexual expression, to protect your innocence," wrote Ms Jin, a student at the University of Texas at Austin.

Um, where? Where does the state law of Texas forbid your sexual expression on a college campus, of all places, except in your dreary little peanut-brain?

"You would receive a citation for taking a DILDO to class before you would get in trouble for taking a gun to class. Heaven forbid the penis," she added.

You're going to get a CITATION for thinking CAPITAL LETTERS and rote internet ejaculations like HEAVEN FORBID are funny.

Moron.

But it gets dumber.

From @ThePoliticalHat, this tale of the ever-accelerating stupefaction of the typical Westerner, this time in Britain.

Where once they were merely dumb, they have romanced stupidity to the point that the only possible consummation is the extinction of the species.

A dozen animal rights campaigners stormed a high street fashion store to protest against its faux fur range.

They gathered in an attempt to stop a stallholder in Ramsgate town centre selling garments thought to be decorated with Chinese fox fur.

Campaigners met outside Lloyds Bank in Queen Street on Friday before heading to the market but when they found the stallholder had not shown up, they turned their attention to the Ramsgate branch of New Look [a clothing store].

...

"Inside we found what were described on the labels as fur fox stoles[," a moron said, drooling over his safety-bib.]

"The staff were a bit surprised by our visit and tried to reassure us that the stoles were not made from real fox fur. We were not convinced.

"First there were other jackets and coats for sale in the shop with fur trimmings on which the label clearly described the fur as faux fur.

"Second the new Consumer Rights Act 2015 which came into force just last week states that the goods have to match their description, which can only mean that if says its fox fur it must be fox fur."

New Look responded to Mr Driver on Twitter.

The statement read: "The full composition of this garment, which can be found on the care label, is 90% acrylic and 10% polyester."

This reminds me of a great concept @RussEmerson told me about yesterday: Eiland's Theory of Compensatory Misery."

As human society gradually solves the problems of basic survival and reduces the amount of other miseries rooted in the reality of the human condition, the fringe elements of that society feel an increasingly strong compulsion to become obsessively angry about ever more trivial causes to recapture the sense that life is a painful struggle.

People who live in crisis invent comforts in their free time; people who live in comfort invent crises.

@tmi3rd sends the next tale of humanity forsaken of all its sense.

This here feller was burning his garbage in a field. Okay, that's probably illegal, and it's dumb.

The fire got out of control, so he tried to put it out by smothering it.

That's not so dumb, so far. But the object he chose to smother it with was a gas-powered vehicle itself filled with ammunition.

The deputy learned that the owner had been burning garbage in the field and accidentally let the fire get out of control. In an attempt to put the fire out, he drove his van back and forth over the flames.

This made matters worse, as the tires of the van caught fire. Realizing that the van was loaded with firearms ammunition and a full tank of gas, the driver evacuated the area for safety.

The only not-dumb thing he did was finally realize that pretty much everything in the world was above his level of comprehension, so he did the only smart thing and ran.

The owner won't be filing an insurance claim, the police said.

"It seems like he's just going to have to take a loss on that vehicle because I donít think theyíre going to cover it," Bazzano said.

I reckon not.

This isn't super-dumb, just sort of people being as dumb as they usually are.

A former meerkat expert at London Zoo has been ordered to pay compensation to a monkey handler she attacked with a wine glass in a love spat over a llama-keeper.

What are sensationally dumb are Millennials. Here, a Millennial writes an open letter to xer former employee, explaining why xhe quit xisr job after only six months.

Here's the original letter; here is the letter with Neal Dewing of the Federalist providing a much-needed response.

We know the stereotypes. Millennials never settle down. We're drowning in debt for useless degrees. We refuse to put our phone away. We are addicted to lattes even at the expense of our water bill.

You forgot "we're way too sensitive to even mild criticism."

Our bosses are not wrong about these perceptions.

We know.

...


I've worked in corporate America, administrative offices, advertising agencies, and restaurants. I've had bosses ranging from 24 to 64. I've had bosses I loved, and bosses I didn't. I've seen my peers quit, and I've quit a few times myself.

What an absolutely unique person you are. I have never seen a resume quite like yours.

...

Culture is more than free Panera.

Donít confuse culture with collateral. Yes, I am a cash-strapped millennial who really appreciates free lunch. But I donít wake up at 6AM every day to play foosball in the break room. I'm not inspired to be more innovative over a Bacon Turkey Bravo.

So youíre saying we can safely cut the Panera and the break room from the budget? Thank you for the feedback. This extra money may free up some money to buy office supplies.

I need to be surrounded by people who are on fire for what we're doing.

You don't, actually. This is something you tell yourself to justify your dissatisfaction with the trajectory of your life.

I need a manager who is motivated to push boundaries and think differently. Working in a cool office is really awesome. So is free lunch. But a purposeful culture is more important.

You do realize that we probably have a mechanism for you to provide this feedback without quitting, right? HR is really annoying sometimes, but they do encourage management to actually listen to the concerns of their direct reports. Try it at your next job.

...

This job will quickly become nothing more than my rent payment. I'll start living for Friday and counting down the minutes until 5. After a few months of that, I'll probably have a drunken epiphany and realize I want more out of my life than this.

Again I am struck by the unique experiences you relate and astounded at how precious you must be to all who know you.

...

I'll make copies, I'll fetch coffee, 'íll do the grunt work. But I'm not doing it to help you get a new Mercedes.

I'll give you everything I've got, but I need to know it makes a difference to something bigger than your bottom line.

As Fletch, pretending to be a man named Poon, once said: "God, I admire you."

A nation of Holden Caufields except without the (slightly) above-average intelligence.


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posted by Ace at 06:36 PM

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