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May 26, 2015

Bad News: Muslim Cleric Declares Fatwa on Wanking Off; Says That Those Who Masturbate Will Have "Pregnant Hands" In the Afterlife

You don't want to be punished with a hand-baby.

A Muslim televangelist has advised male followers to stop masturbating -- because it will leave their hands pregnant in the afterlife.
Turkish preacher Mücahid Cihad Han told viewers that masturbation was forbidden in Islam.

"One hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over its rights,' he said during his program on private television station 2000 TV, according to The Hurriyet Daily News.

Here are some pictures of the crusading cleric.

Dalga geçmek için haber yaptılar ama,günah olduğunu bilmiyorduk Allah razı olsun diye mesaj atanlar var elhamdulillah pic.twitter.com/eUyeoV5JfS
— Mücahid Cihad Han (@mucahid_han) May 25, 2015

Well sure I can see why this guy can pontificate against masturbation. I mean, look at him. He looks like he's waist-deep in p***y.

Bro, do you even lift?

And now, for rebuttal: A nervous goat.

"Everything that just guy said is bullshit!"

posted by Ace at 06:34 PM

| Access Comments


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"One hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over its rights,' he said during his program on private television station 2000 TV, according to The Hurriyet Daily News. Here are some pictures of the crusading cleric. Dalga geçmek için haber yaptılar ama,günah olduğunu bilmiyorduk Allah razı olsun diye mesaj atanlar var elhamdulillah pic.twitter.com/eUyeoV5JfS — Mücahid Cihad Han (@mucahid_han) May 25, 2015 Well sure I can see why this guy can pontificate against masturbation. I mean, look at him. He looks like he's waist-deep in p**y. Bro, do you even lift? And now, for rebuttal: A nervous goat. "Everything that just guy said is bullshit!"* posted by Ace at 06:34 PM \| Access Comments <script language="javascript" src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/addyn/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=700;cookie=info;target=_blank;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]"></script><noscript><a href="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adlink/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" target="_blank"><img src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adserv/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" border="0" width="300" height="250"></a></noscript>	Recent Comments JackStraw: ">>Yeah, right AfD wants safety and security for it ..." grammie winger - cheesehead: "He wasn't a Muslim, then? Just a guy who liked to ..." fd: "Mostly peaceful Muslim. Mostly. ..." FenelonSpoke: "He wasn't a Muslim, then? Just a guy who liked to ..." FenelonSpoke: "Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at ..." 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