Sponsored Content
Al Gore Sues Al Jazeera | Main | AoSHQ Podcast: Guest, Sean Davis
September 19, 2014

Scientists Warn: We've Reached Peak Ass

So Jennifer Lopez released a song called "Booty." One a superficial level, it's about her big fat ass, and how much she loves it. But on the deeper level of metaphor and social critique, it's actually about how she can attract male sexual attention with her big fat ass.

It's not really sexy. It's that other thing, that's like sexy, like when you try to be sexy but everyone feels social humiliation by proxy because you're so transparent about it and fail so hard. What's that called?

Ah right, embarrassing.

Even people who write for liberal publications seem embarrassed for Jennifer Lopez:

Yes, butts are having a moment. Well, maybe butts have already had their moment. It has been a month where no one could stop talking about butts. First Nicki Minaj released the ass-tastic music video for "Anaconda," generating water cooler chat about the video, butts, and what it all means. Then Vogue published an article titled "We're Officially in the Era of the Big Booty." Then the Internet collectively ridiculed Vogue for said article. The New York Times Style section ran a big feature on butts this week, which is how you know butts are having a moment and also how you know that moment is over.


Some are calling it pop porn. Some are calling it provocative. Some are calling it exploitative. Some are calling it empowering. But, at this point, it's kind of just boring.

I don't know anything about Nicku Minaj's song, but I do remember older songs about Ass, and I don't mean Sir-Mix-A-Lot. That was intentionally crude and out-of-bounds.

Beyonce's "Check On It" had a deceptively sweet-and-innocent sound to it, when in fact it was all about Beyonce inviting guys at a nightclub to look at her ass and drool. I wouldn't call it subtle, exactly, but it didn't come right and say "Enjoy My Ass."

(Well... actually, she comes pretty close to that. She says you can "have it," so long as you don't "grab it." I guess it comes down to what the meaning of "It" is.)

Kellis' "My Milkshake" seemed to be a Check Out My Ass song, though she did preserve the slightest bit of mystery there by use of oblique wording.

(Incidentally, Lopez seems to rip-off Milkshake not just in terms of lyrical theme but in use of Middle Eastern instruments.)

Both Check on It and My Milkshake were naughty and fairly crude, when you thought about them. But you had to think about them at least a tiny little bit. People would grin as they guessed what "My Mllkshake" could refer to. (Hey, don't overcomplicate it, people: It means exactly what you first thought it meant.)

It's just a sign of how f***ing stupid our culture is that "Milkshake" and "Check On It" are now considered too subtle -- there's too much danger that the audience will fail to connect all the dots -- and so J-Lo will have to spell it right out for you:




Idiocracy predicted this, of course.

Idiocracy predicted almost everything.

Reminded by a commenter:

Update: Yeah, subtlety isn't really a selling point anymore.

digg this
posted by Ace at 03:56 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Huck "Churchlady" Follywood: "dress McChuklehead in red and paint little horns o ..."

Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead!: "Sure. And Hillary Clinton made a fortune as a neop ..."

The ARC of History!: "[i]l 2020. Guess who we're putting in the hock for ..."

Mister Scott (Formerly GWS): "Suing people in an attempt to distract the feds fr ..."

Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo, food, water: "5 Sure. And Hillary Clinton made a fortune as a ne ..."

Aetius451AD work phone: "Gangster government- without the nice suits, excep ..."

Anonosaurus Wrecks, Not a Real Simulation[/s] [/b] [/i]: "Matt Viser@mviser Hunter Biden's lawyers today al ..."

... : "Far from being especially sophisticated, Hunter Bi ..."

Count de Monet: "*sees picture of Chuck Todd* *recreates Brother ..."

Colorado Alex in Exile: "[i]Your daily reminder that NeverTrump supported t ..."

jim (in Kalifornia): "Um...contract Hunter had with Mac shop, criminal a ..."

G'rump928(c) : "Every single trade that Hillary did in the commodi ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64