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Friday Morning News Dump | Main | BREAKING: "No, Liberals Don't Control the Democratic Party"
February 07, 2014

The Pursuit of Happiness

Done. You Can Stop Chasing It Now

Darlings, with a heavy heart, we must admit defeat to the Left about an important issue.

Up until recently, most of us here understood that happiness is something the government cannot give you. It is something we must furnish for ourselves, and the government's job is to refrain as much as possible from impeding our progress to this highly individual and subjective goal.

But we were wrong. The government can deliver on happiness.

Specifically, the government can create conditions where people may no longer be painfully chained to a job they don't like, just because the place offers great health benefits. Certainly this new definition of freedom will lead inexorably to enduring bliss.

The individual bliss of its citizens, after all, being the entire purpose and endgame of all government action.

I hope you will join me in encouraging people of the leftish persuasion to throw off their chains, and walk off these (well-compensated but personally unsatisfying) jobs immediately.

Truly, economic wisdom has been turned on its head. At no other point in history has this concept of freedom from (stressful, but well-paid) employment ever been advanced by public policy makers and pols.

The reason, of course, was because it never seemed like a good idea up until people had to brainstorm up bullsh*t excuses for Obamacare's failures. You may even say this is 'unprecedented.' And you would be correct.

You're probably worried about the costs to the economy if suddenly millions of positions went unmanned tomorrow, but don't fret: they won't go unfilled for long.

There are millions of people out there already looking for these jobs, who will actually be made happy by having them! So you see, where the Obama economy creates a want, it also creates a solution for that want, and now twice the people are made happy by the same action. This is the Obamaconomic Happiness Multiplier Effect, I just invented it, and you must credit the blog for all references.

Happy Friday, Sugarbritches.

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posted by Laura. at 12:23 PM

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