Breaking: America Breathes In Relief as Philadelphia Swiss-Cheese Pervert Arrested

His alibi had holes in it.

You know, we haven't really discussed this. But My Lord, look at this monster. This is legitimately frightening.

Imagine if that Handsome Devil slowed his car beside you and asked you to watch him as he pleasured himself with some Alpine Lace. Holey strokes, that's scary.

Anyway:

Philadelphia police served Christopher Pagano, 41, with a warrant at his Norristown home, according to officials with the Norristown Police Department....

The Daily News on Monday reported the case extended beyond Mayfair, quoting a message the suspect allegedly sent a Bridesburg woman through dating website OkCupid. "I started to compare girls to cheese due to their milky complections [sic], girls are soft, smooth feeling and tend to like dairy products more," the message read. "That and typical advertising, always using a girl to advertise dairy products. So cheese is what I started to use as a replacement for having sex with girls."

The paper on Thursday reported more readers had stepped forward to share similar tales and that several women were cooperating with the investigation. It is not yet clear how many incidents Pagano is being charged in connection with or exactly what charges he faces.

What do you charge him with? How about three counts of Being My Fucking Hero, that's what you charge him with.

Thanks to not_steve_in_hb.

Oh, and let me close this tab: some stuff you might not know about the custom of the "555" fake phone numbers you see on tv and in movies.

Here's what I found interesting: They're not all fake.

So we keep using them?

REAL FAKE NUMBERS

What you may not know, though, is that there are many more “real” 555 phone numbers. Since 1994, 555 numbers have actually been available for personal or business use. That’s when the North American Numbering Plan Administration started taking applications from people and businesses who wanted their own 555 numbers. Theoretically, these numbers would have worked from anywhere in the continent; dialers would be able to dial 555-XXXX and always end up with the same number regardless of area code. The hope was that if you needed, say, a taxi anywhere in the country, you could just remember one number that would always work.

Things didn’t work out quite so smoothly. People and businesses snapped up the 555 numbers —except for 555-0100 through 555-0199, which were held back for fictional use—but they soon learned that owning a phone number isn’t all that useful if you don’t also own a phone company that can connect the number. Phone companies protested that setting up these services would be wildly expensive; in 2003 Verizon told The New York Times that adding the nationwide 555 service to its systems would cost the company $108 million. (Verizon did offer to hook up the 555 numbers for owners, but the same Times story noted that the service usually required a $2,500 set-up fee per area code.)

posted by Ace at 05:55 PM

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